Hello Again!

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while. There is really nothing too new here. Just trying to find my place in life. Its been a rough couple of weeks... Just coming down on myself hard about having a baby. I just can't seem to shake the feeling like I will never be a mom....

Spoke With the Doc

She said that she still wanted us to wait the six months. But if we really wanted we could start the Infertility Program at the Hospital. I talked with Alex and he said we should just wait it out. So back to square one of trying again and making time pass.

Thanks for all the support everyone!

Can't Wait for Monday!

I ended up calling my OB back again today since I had not heard from her. They said she had gotten my note, but she already left for the weekend and that they would leave another message for her. So hopefully she will be calling me Monday and we can talk about everything! I am in a lot better of a mood and I guess if she still wants Alex and I to wait, then we will have to wait. All in due time :)

Thanks for reading!!

Frustrated

I called my doctor yesterday and I was only able to talk with the nurse. She looked over my file and said that in there, I wasn't supposed to try Clomid until February. WTF?! I told her that I am tired of waiting. I asked if she knew what it feels like to try for almost two years with no results. She shut up real quick and said she would leave a note for my doctor for her to call me back as soon as she could. I never received a call. So I might be calling them back again today to try to get some answers and get somewhere! Its just so annoying to have to wait and try for so long when there are women who get to try Clomid after only a year of trying. Well its my turn, and I refuse to wait any longer!

Can't Sleep...

I have too much on my mind tonight... All baby related. I feel like I am sinking further and further into a dark hole that I wont be able to get back out of... Alex has noticed that I'm not "me." So I have started putting on a show and trying to be the happy-go-lucky person that everyone knows me as. I can't shake the feeling of despair every time I find out someone else I know is pregnant... I would have been 17 weeks tomorrow... It kills me inside, and angers me; every time I think about what I am missing out on. I feel like half a woman. I am supposed to be the wife that is a home-maker; cleans, cooks, takes care of her husband, and bares her husband's children. Its the Southern Belle blood in me. I can't fight my roots of wanting to be a mother; wanting to give my husband beautiful children... I just don't understand how it can come so easy to others, some of which don't even want it; and yet for the couples who would be amazing parents, it is always hard! My OBGYN wants me to wait until December to try Clomid. Its such bull shit! I am sick of waiting! I am going to call tomorrow and see if I can get on it as soon as possible... I can't handle this distress anymore.

Dang!

AF showed today! I'm kind of sad, but excited to try again!
We are also doing some bathroom remodeling! Alex has torn stuff apart and he is puttying some holes and we are also going to be putting a window in so it gives us some light in there! Otherwise its always so dark and dismal. After the putty dries we are going to sand it down so it looks nice and then once the window is in and everything is puttied on that wall, we are going to paint! Can't wait!!!!

Thanks for reading!

Hmmm...

Well, so far so good. No sign of AF yet. But I have a feeling that its only a matter of time!!!!!

Nothing new really going on. Took pictures yesterday of the flooding in town, which you can find a few of them on my 365 photo blog. Its crazy to think that its still supposed to rise even more. I can't wait to get down there and take some more pictures today!!!

Thanks for reading!