Getting Out of the Baby Blues

Hello all!

This is my first post, but not my first wave of "baby blues." So, here is the scoop:

It all started when my husband and I got married on April 5th, 2008. We wanted to start to try to conceive right away, but thought better of it as we were not financially stable yet. In January of 2009 we decided that it was time to start trying!!! We were so excited and figured it wouldn't be long before we had a little bun in the oven! After a few months of trying, I got so discouraged and depressed after hearing of friends becoming pregnant with ease! We stopped trying and more or less just had fun and lived our lives. On June 6th, 2009 after having a very wacky period (started and was a week like normal, stopped, started again two days later) I took a pregnancy test. IT WAS POSITIVE!!! We were ecstatic and couldn't believe that it had finally happened!!! The following Monday, June 8th 2009 I set up a prenatal visit and got in right away because I was worried about the bleeding. The OBGYN did an ultrasound and found nothing. I was told either 1) I was so early in pregnancy that it could not be seen 2) I was miscarrying or 3) it was an ectopic pregnancy. We were DEVASTATED! I went back to work the following day and the bleeding had stopped. I started to become a little optimistic until I had really sharp cramps in the left side of my lower abdomen. I went home and stayed on bed rest, which was the only thing that seemed to help the pain. June 11th 2009 at 1AM I woke up with pain so sharp I could barely breathe. My husband drove me to the ER and after another ultrasound, and blood work, I was told I had an ectopic pregnancy and I needed to have surgery to remove it. By 5AM I was in the OR. I was 8 weeks along...

Recently we have decided to start trying again. I gave my body six months to rest and recover from all of what had happened. We started trying again in January 2010. Again we are having trouble conceiving and I am hoping for the best but I am worried that my because my left tube is blocked, that I wont be able to become pregnant because of the what-ifs. What if I am only ovulating from my left ovary? What if this, what if that? I can't seem to relax.

After these few months of not being able to produce a positive pregnancy test, I feel sort of... broken in a way. My husband gets disappointed every time my lovely monthly gift shows up too. I was two weeks late in February and I thought I was FOR SURE pregnant, so that was a killer to my optimism. But we have something to really look forward to if mother nature shows her face in a week or two! We have decided to get my husband tested and talk with my OBGYN about me possibly getting on Clomid. I have heard so many success stories about this medication that I can't wait to talk with her about it and have the chance of being on it to start our family. But I have also been researching all-natural ways to conceive and have come up with a lot of very helpful information, but none that has worked so far for me. It may have worked for other women, but I'm not lucky enough for it to happen for me.

I hopeful, I am trying my best to be patient, and I am grateful for what I have in my life.

All the best, and thank you for reading!