Dear AF,

I guess you didn't get the memo about how tardiness is unexceptable (especially 3 WEEKS!). I have been waiting for you. Your late arrival without cause is really starting to anger me. Either show up on time, or don't show up for a reason! Now if you could kindly come to visit as soon as you get this, it would be greatly appreciated.
P.S. If you could come without all the baggage (C-Ramps was a real drag to have around last time), that would be super awesome!
P.P.S. You are a real bitch sometimes.

Thanks. (And no thanks.)