As some of you know, I am a photographer and work with a well known company in my area. I LOVE photography with all my heart! I have always wanted a successful business of my own. However, after the events of tax time this year, and another $400 scare I got a couple of days ago, I've realized that working with a company, on their payroll, is better than owning my own.
Also, I take amazing and beautiful pictures (I may be a little bias ;-) lol) but I can't pose worth poop!!! I have always had an immense fear of being in front of people giving speeches, and that in turn has developed into telling peers what to do. I am great at telling our high school senior clients what I want them to do, but clients my age or older, I clam up :-/ I've read posing material, I've tried doing it all on my own, but it's still hard for me because I am shy. Don't get me wrong, I can do it, but it takes me longer to be able to explain what I want them to do, and I lack the confidence needed to keep them confident that they look good. It's just a big struggle....one which I hope I will get over eventually!!
Is it normal to have trouble sleeping already? My hips and lower back are killing me this morning....and my hips have been hurting at night all week. If this is pregnancy related, then I'm going to have it rough later on!!!!
So I decided to play around with the old wives tales about gender :-) Here are the results:
Heart rate: boy
Chinese calendar: boy
Sweet or Salty cravings: boy
Mayans Even or Odd: girl
Key test: girl
Morning sickness: boy
Well, from the tests it looks like I'm having a little boy :-) Which is what I've been feeling all along. The only test I can't do yet is the belly carrying high or low :-)
I'm still not sure if I want to find out. I'm leaning more towards not knowing. Alex still says he wants to know. So we'll see! :-)
This being our first baby that we have gotten this far, I want to do everything right because this could be the only chance we get... I want to do an all natural water birth, breastfeed, cloth diaper, baby wear, organic foods (mostly root veggies, as those are the most important to buy organic of), and selective/delayed shots...
Which brings me to the struggle I am having right now..... To find out the gender, or not to.
I have always thought that I wanted to find out no matter what; up to today. I have been told that it is a way more rewarding experience to find out after laboring and pushing, than if you already know. I want to make everything special; hell I am even looking for a birth photographer to be there! My biggest problem is that I am a planner.... I feel like I HAVE to know; like it is literally going to strangle me if I don't know.
Sooooo......what I was thinking was to have the ultrasound tech write the gender in an envelope, and we could give that to my parents or Alex's parents, and they could spread the word to family and let them know not to tell me. If Alex wants to know, fine, but I kind of don't. I figured this would help with my OCD-ness of being a planner. And I wouldn't have a baby shower until after the baby is born. This way people can buy the right gender things (so I don't have an abundance of gay yellows...... [and I'm already stocked up on so much green, I don't want anymore!]) and I can still keep my sanity.
Thoughts or ideas would be greatly appreciated on this one!!!!
This week has been great. No problems since Sunday!! :-)
Alex bought me beautiful roses yesterday; two dozen!! The card said "Love you now. Love you always." My heart melted :') He has been a lot more lovey too. Rubbing my belly and whispering sweet things. And I am starting to show a little!! Yay!!! :D
My dog Harvey has been a lot more cuddly too; and super protective!!! He growls at our other dog Shelby when she tries to jump up on me. It's so cute! I can't wait until the 29th!!!!! We find out if little bean is a boy or girl! I'm 99% sure it's a boy, but I still can't wait! Only three more weeks!!!!!!!
I shot a wedding as a lead photographer on Saturday. It was stressful, but once the day went a little further, it wasn't too bad. Got home at 9:30pm and couldn't fall asleep until midnight. I woke up at 1am Sunday morning and I couldn't breathe and had pain in my chest. I waited around home until 2am and it still wouldn't go away, so hubs decided to take me in. We went to the ER and they did an EKG, blood work checking for clots, listened to little bean's heart rate (was in the 140's) and a chest X-ray. They couldn't figure out anything wrong with me, so they sent me home at 6:30am. I had trouble breathing the rest of yesterday and had pain as well. My mother in law and a couple friends said it was probably an anxiety or panic attack. They said of stress builds up long enough, it will randomly come out like that or in other ways. Today I am feeling a little bit better, still having pain if I do something strenuous. I'm going to my regular OB appointment today, and I'm going to ask her about it as well. Plus I get to hear little one's heartbeat again! :-)