Saturday, July 31, 2010

Last Day of July

Well.... Its been a long month, full of excitement, love, and let downs... I am still trying to pretend that I was never pregnant, just so it helps with the healing process and so I am not always thinking about how all this happened. I am hoping that August will be a better month and that I will have a lot of fun times and things to look forward to :)

Today we don't have anything special planned. Just sitting around the house and cuddling on the couch. I like days like today. They are so rare because we always have so much going on.

I guess that's all for today. Thanks for reading.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Eight Hour ER Visit

So I was doing good yesterday besides being a little upset. At about 7pm I started getting this really bad cramps. SO I ended up taking some pain pills and at 8:30pm we decided to go in because the pain was just getting worse. So we got to the ER and they were busy (again. WTH?!) but they gave me a room first before the other people because I was crying I was in so much pain. So they do some blood work and ask a bunch of questions then they started an IV. Well they gave me two shots of morphine and I was STILL feeling the pain. So they called the OBGYN that was on that night. She was delivering two babies and then she would be down to talk with me. Well they had another OB give me a pelvic exam to check if my cervix was open or not. It wasn't; which meant that everything that was trying to pass couldn't and that's what was causing me pain. The OB on call finally came down at 11pm and asked a lot of questions and gave me some options. She said I needed a D&C and either I could have it done last night or today. I figured since I was already there that it would just be easier to get it done and over with. I didn't get into the O.R. until about 12:15am and I woke up in the recovery room at about 2:15am. I was in pain and feeling sick. So they gave me some nausea meds and more pain killers. I fell back asleep until 3:10am. They offered to let me stay the night but I just wanted to get home. So we got a prescription filled at Walgreen's and by the time we finally got home it was close to 5am. Then poor Alex had to go to work at noon because his boss called and said they really needed him.

I am doing really good right now. Not hardly any pain (thank god!) and only a little sick to my stomach. But I am super tired so I think I am going to go lay back down.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Down in the Slumps Again...

I was doing really well with how I was handling everything that has been going on. Then I don't know what came over me but I had a good hour cry session. So I decided that I would take a little nap to hopefully make me feel better. But I woke up and just felt worse.

Now I feel like nothing that I do is worth it now days... I just feel like no matter what I do its not good enough or its not worth anything to anyone.

Wow, That's All I Can Say!

This is a touching and amazing story! I just had to share!!!

http://rhemamarvanne.com/about.html

Such a stong little girl!!!!!

Thursday

For lack of a better title... Hahaha...

I would have been eight weeks today. I think what I was looking forward to the most was getting past this point and making it to nine weeks. But I am not going to let myself get depressed about it. I am staying positive and dealing with this whole situation the right way for me to stay happy and up-beat. Everyone keeps saying how strong I am... I honestly don't feel that strong. I am just doing what I know I have to do to feel better and keep on moving.

I had some really bad cramps last night. Actually kept me up half the night. Poor Alex stayed up with me even though I told him to go to sleep. I don't know where I would be without him <3 Have also been having some more cramps this morning that are not that lovely... Hoping they go away soon so I wont have to take anything.

Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Dr. Appointment

So I had my doctor appointment this morning. I told myself when I left home that I was going to be a big girl and not shed any tears today!

I got to the lab at 9:30am for blood work to check my HCG levels. Got into the doctor's office at 10:25am. She was running late so they said she could be a few minutes. Finally got to first speak with her at 10:50am. I asked a lot of questions; some about when I will feel better and when the bleeding/cramping will stop. I also asked about a D&C, which I will not have to have one! She told me the cramping and bleeding should stop in about a week, when my HCG levels drop down below five again. She also said when my HCG levels drop again, it will trigger my body to ovulate to start my cycles over. So I will be ovulating in about two weeks and my next period should show up in about five weeks. The best news she gave me was that we can start to try again as soon as I am done bleeding! Yay!!! We can't wait to start trying again and hopefully it will happen easily since my body is already in the "pregnancy mode."

Thank you again for all the very kind words and encouragement! It means a lot to us!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Hardest Night of My Life

Here is everything that happened, in detail. If you are faint of heart, I wouldn't suggest reading it...

So I left for work yesterday feeling great. I was super excited for dinner! Got to work and I started feeling some cramping, nothing too bad. As work went on the cramping got worse and I became more worried. I left work at 5:15pm and went to the bank to cash my check. I felt funny so I went to the bathroom (approximately 5:35pm) when I wiped I noticed some blood so I decided to go straight to the hospital because I knew I had low progesterone levels and I would rather be safe than sorry. Well the hospital ER was busy and I had to wait an hour to get a room. That was the longest hour that I have ever experienced! Once I finally got a room, I waited for another 15 minutes until I finally talked with a doctor. He came in and informed me what they would be doing (testing, etc.). I had five viles of blood drawn and then a nurse came in to put an IV in. She tried putting it in and it hurt so bad I ended up in tears and she had to take it out and was going to try again but I had a panic attack and told her I didn't want it. She said ok and that I had the right to refuse it. Well it hurt for a hour after that :( But about a half hour after the nurse left with the IV, I got wheeled to the ultrasound room and had a regular ultrasound where I was able to see the screen. I knew I saw the baby on the screen, but I was still worried. She said she was going to do a vaginal ultrasound as well, and I told her that I needed to use the restroom first. So I went into the bathroom and sat down and as soon as I sat, about a fifty-cent piece sized clot came out. I knew right then that everything was not ok and I just burst into tears. I came out and she did the vaginal ultrasound, but because of the angle she had to have the machine because of the short cord, I couldn't see the screen but Alex could. He saw the baby and had a big smile on his face, but for me it wasn't reassuring, I knew better... I was wheeled back to my ER room and waited for another 30 minutes until a doctor finally came in with the results from  my blood work and ultrasound. He said that my HCG level was 2100, which at my stage in pregnancy, they were looking for about 35000, so it was very low. He also said that the specialist looking at the ultrasound said that there was fetal growth, but it just stopped at 5 weeks. He kept talking, but I zoned it out. I started crying and just went into my own little numb world. We finally got home from the hospital at around 9:30pm. At around 10:30pm, the baby passed. I had gone into the bathroom and as I sat down, I felt a gush and it happened to land in my pants. I looked and there was a perfectly round ball amniotic sac the size of a marble. I saw the little baby in there. That was the worst. I cried and cried and had to have Alex come into the bathroom to help clean up. After that I just went numb again. We didn't go to bed until midnight and I was up off and on all night. At 4:30am Alex called his boss and told him he wasn't coming in. We stayed in bed until 10:30am. I have had a lot of really bad cramps today and just plain feeling like poop.

I think loosing a baby last June has helped me some emotionally. Also, since I know that I didn't do anything wrong this time around (I feel that the tubal was my fault because there was something wrong with ME that caused the baby to get stuck), and knowing there wasn't anything I could do, has kind of helped me feel a little better and look forward, instead of get depressed and wishing for the yesterdays.

Thank you for all the support that you all have given me.

Monday, July 26, 2010

........

So..... I lost the baby......

mMmmm Pot Roast!

I can't wait for dinner tonight! I am making a pot roast! I have carrots, potatoes, onions, rosemary, salt and pepper, and mushrooms in it :) I hope it turns out ok, I was kind of wondering whether or not I should have put the mushrooms in. But it smells great so far!!!!

I will update later tonight to let you all know how it tastes!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

This Just Stinks!

We made plans to go to Country Jam today to see Billy Currington! I was SOOOOO excited!!! We had wanted to go but couldn't get the tickets. Then my mom called and said she would give us her general admission tickets because she had won VIP! I was super jealous and I told her she should give us the VIP ones, but she wouldn't. lol. Then yesterday Alex's parents invite us to go with them to a truck show in Abbottsford (like 2 hours away). I was pissed when Alex said we would go! "I have had this planned for two months." Then why did I never hear anything about it?! And we have had Jam planned since last year when we found out Billy Currington was going to be there! (So the whole reason on why we LOVE Billy Currington is because our song ((that Alex picked out)) is by him. Its called Must Be Doin Somethin Right). Well there was no point in me going by myself to Jam because I would be missing the whole point (being with Alex)! So I filled my mom in that she should find someone else to give the tickets to... :(

So then I kind of got excited about going to the truck show. It could be fun, right? I could get some cool pictures of some pretty Semi's. Well that plan was shattered this morning when Alex's boss calls and tells him he was scheduled to come in at 7:30am. And Alex was pissed at his boss. Its not his bosses fault at all, its his own for not looking at his schedule. BUT I didn't tell him that because he was already in a pissy mood and I didn't want to make things worse. So I guess we will see where the day goes from here. It will be too late to go to the truck show by the time he gets home. And too late to go to Country Jam because my mom will already be inside and she probably gave the tickets away (even though Billy Currington wont be on the stage until 7pm). So this just plain stinks! I have nothing to do, all our plans are shot, and I am upset that I don't get pictures of EITHER things I wanted to today!

Grrr....

Friday, July 23, 2010

Dreary Friday

I am normally excited for Fridays! But today its dark and rainy and kind of depressing...

Went a little overboard last night at Kohl's! But at least i have a very good pair of maternity jeans and a couple of cute maternity shirts! :D And they are clothes I can wear now, and when I get huge, and after baby! Completely versatile!

In other news, Alex cleaned the basement last night! I came home from work (he had off because of the rain) and I go down there and it was like walking into a different basement!!! I was so surprised!!! So we went out to dinner to celebrate. Hahaha!

Well, that's all for now! Thanks for reading :)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Just Got Home

I have been with my grandma the past couple days. She had emergency surgery to remove eighteen inches of her small intestines last week. She was being moved to a different hospital closer to where her and grandpa live on Sunday night and she didn't take the move well. She started getting better Monday night and then by Tuesday morning they moved her to a regular room. By this morning she was beginning to be more herself. :) It was hard leaving her because some of those nurses don't do their jobs like they are supposed to.

Otherwise nothing new. Still sick, and I have been coughing lately too because of the drainage.

Sorry for being hiatus. Thanks for reading!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Dang It!

So I now have a stuffy/runny nose and sore throat. I'm not sure if its a cold of if its linked to pregnancy. Hahaha.

Ok, back story of why I was annoyed and haven't posted much. My sister-in-law texted me the other night saying she just found out she is pregnant too. I was extremely upset because they already have two kids and now its my turn to bless my family with a baby and I can't even do it on my own!!! She "wants to do this together." Well I don't! I wanted my own time to shine!

I know I am probably being selfish, but it was finally my turn after trying so long! And now I can't even have the glory of doing it by myself.

At least I am the only pregnant one on Alex's side of the family. And his parents couldn't be more excited! I can already tell they are going to spoil their grandchild!

Sorry for being a brat today. I just feel its my right to be upset for a while.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

...

I am beyond annoyed.

That's all I even want to say right now.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Lots Going On!

It was a good day at work yesterday! Got to work in the baby room all day :) One of my coworkers put in their two week notice. Another has an interview soon, someone else is looking for a job and there is the one who is pregnant with triplets. And then me being pregnant! They are going to be loosing a ton of staff members pretty soon!!!

And you know what I am loosing? My mind!!! I normally can remember a twenty item grocery list, now I can barely remember two things!

I told my dad and step-mom the other day and they are super excited!!! My step-mom is going to throw a baby shower down in South Carolina (where they live) and then come and visit in April and bring everything up with them! That's so cool! And they will finally be able to see our house!!!

Well that's all for now! Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Up for a Hour and Tired Already!

But I had to get ready early for my meeting with the State lady. Hopefully I can get this insurance!!! It would be so much less stress on me! But I have one more thing to get before me meeting! I have to run to the Dr.'s office to get "proof of pregnancy" which is just a note saying "yes she is pregnant." Hahaha... I should HOPE so!!!

I don't have to be in to work until noon. YAY! After yesterday... I don't even want to go back. EVER. Yes, it was THAT bad...

Dang... Boss just called and I have to be in at 11am... I know its only a hour early, but I REALLY don't want to go in....

Well, thanks for reading my work rant! Hahaha!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Today's Update

Well the first half of my day was great!!! We went to Irvine Park (a local zoo) and the kids had a blast! But after I went back from my lunch everything went down hill... Uhg!!! That's all I have to say! I have an appointment tomorrow morning to see if I can get better insurance through the state. Our insurance blows out the @ss!!! Anyways..... I guess that's all for today, I promise! Hahaha.

Thanks again for reading!

Work... Boo!

I really dont want to go to work today. I have to work in the worst room ever... :( But hopefully it wont be too bad...

I filled out an application for the Picture-Me studios that are in Walmarts. So hopefully I will hear back from them to see if I am able to get a job there.

Thanks for reading!

Monday, July 12, 2010

On Cloud Nine!

Ultrasound went great today!!! Our baby IS in my uterus!!! :D I have another ultrasound on August 2nd to actually be able to SEE baby, because all we saw this early on was the sac. lol. I can't wait!!! They also said by that time we will be able to get a better estimated due date. And I surprised her with the knowledge of my already guesstimated due date of March 10th, 2011. Hahaha. She said most people dont know that when they come in. I told her I had been counting for a while!!!

Well thank you for reading and I will keep you updated!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Can't Wait For Tomorrow!

The weather cleared up nice yesterday and we got to take some very cute pictures!

Eclipse was AWESOME!!! Can't wait for the next one to come out!

Our fire was pretty good. We didn't have very much built up to burn this time, so it only lasted until 11:30pm.

Nothing too much going on today. Tonight we are going over to visit a friend who lost her husband last November, and today would have been their two year wedding anniversary.  So it will be nice to just be able to be there and support her!

And of course I am saving the best, most exciting piece of information for last!!! TOMORROW!!!! You have no idea how excited I am!!! I can't wait to find out what is going on in my tummy and see that ultrasound! I had a dream last night that I was getting the ultrasound and they told me I was having twins!!! Wouldn't that be exciting?! My HCG count has had both Alex and I thinking that it could be a possibility since it did triple... I guess we will just have to wait and see until tomorrow!

Thanks for reading!!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Darn Weather!

Its about to rain... Puts a damper on everything today!

And not to mention I am wishing the weekend by faster because I want Monday to be here already! I know, its sad to wish away days off, but for something this important, its worth it!

But oh well :) It will come soon enough. I guess I will post more later of tomorrow!

Thanks for reading!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Hmmm...

Well the interview went good. They will call if they want to hire me. I don't think I am going to take it...

Monday I have another round of blood work and progesterone test along with my ultrasound :D

Here's to a fun night with friends (that are basically family) and family tomorrow! Going to be taking some more senior pictures and then going to see Eclipse (FINALLY!!!) and then have a fire out at the farm :) Then Sunday night we are going to visit another one of our great friends! Going to be a great weekend!

TGIF!

I have an interview this morning for a photography job! I am so excited!!! But I will have to find another job from November to February because they have nothing to do in that period. That's the worst part about this job, the part that is holding me back the most, the part I am the most scared of... I would be making SOOO much more than I do now! But I will be asking lots of questions so I know what I am getting into before I would ever agree.

I can't wait until Monday!!!! Its going to be the best morning! Get to see our little apple seed :D

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Surprising Alex's Parents

Here is Alex's parents after we told them tonight!



They are just as excited as my parents (Alex's dad doesn't smile much. lol!)!!! :D I can't wait until Monday to see our little apple seed!!!!

Thanks for reading and have a great night!

All Is Well!

My HCG count looks great! It went from 65 to 190! So it almost tripled!!! All it needed to do was double to be normal :) We are having Alex's parents down tonight to surprise them with their present! This will be their first grandchild!!!! :D I can't wait to see their faces and hear what they have to say!!!!

And today I finally got my new phone in the mail so there is no more buzzing or lost calls. Its just a great day all around!

Thanks for reading!

More Blood Work

I am going on my lunch today to get my blood drawn. And I will hopefully know the results tonight if my HCG is doubling like normal. I am praying and crossing all my fingers and toes that this is going to be a normal and healthy pregnancy!!! I can't wait for Monday :D I get to have an ultrasound and hopefully see our little one.

I will keep you all updated!

Please keep me in your prayers. Thank you for reading!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Surprising My Parents

Ok, so I know we said we were going to wait to tell our parents until after my blood work. But my mom and step-dad stopped by for a visit tonight and I couldn't help it!!!



They opened it up and were like "Are you expecting?!" I said yes and they were so excited! And then my mom asked me, "Do we get to keep this at our house?" Again I answered yes! For some reason I was nervous about telling them because I was afraid of what their reaction was going to be, but I shouldn't have worried at all!!!

Thanks for reading :)

Gotta Love Drs

So I have to go get blood drawn today and Wednesday to make sure that my HcG count is doubling like its supposed to. And then next Monday I have an ultrasound scheduled for 9:30am to make sure the baby is in my uterus like he/she is supposed to be!

When I first started working at my job, I was told that normally pregnancies go by twos there! Which I thought was kind of funny :) Well I just found out this morning that my coworker is due in six months with TRIPLETS!!! OMG! I was so surprised when I heard that!!!!

But I can't wait to make sure that everything is ok :) Only a week away!!!

Thanks for reading!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The Gifts!

I decided instead of ordering the onsies, I wanted to make them myself! So here is the first one that I made!!!



The "in" is a little crooked, but I think I did pretty good for not really being that crafty! Hahahaha!!! I have to go buy some more letters and I will be making the other one tomorrow :D

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the Forth!!!

OMG!

I just came up with the PERFECT way to tell our parents!!! I found this website where I can make customized onesies. Well I am going to get two that say "Made In Canada" (since that is where we most likely conceived!) and wrap them up and give one to my parents and one to Alex's parents! It will be so great!!!!!! :D

Thanks for reading!!!

Happy 4th!

I feel like I am on top of the world!!! I can't wait to be able to tell the family that we are expecting; can't wait until I can start feeling movement and when I start showing! Its such an exciting experience already (even through the symptoms that I already have)!!

Have a safe and happy Independence Day everyone!!!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

No Doubt About It!!!

I am pregnant!!!!!!!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Tehehe!

So I kind of got a little ahead of myself and put up a counter :) So I still don't know for sure yet if I am, but I figured I would put it up anyways!!!

Wow :)

Who would have thought that four and a half years have gone by this fast! I look back and if you would have asked me then where I would be now, I would have never thought that I would be where we are. Married, three sweet and loving dogs, have a house, and possibly pregnant! Its a great feeling knowing that we have come this far! I can't wait for what the future holds for us!

No new updates right now really. My right breast still hurts if I push on it, and it doesn't take much pressure now. My left one is starting to hurt just a twinge if I push on it with a little more pressure. I can't wait to test again tomorrow!!!! :D

Now, if I AM pregnant, I am going to have to come up with some creative ways to tell my parents and in-laws!!! But I will have at least a month to figure it out. I want to wait until I am further along so in case I have a miscarriage, I don't have to go back and tell everyone what happened.

Thanks for reading!!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Am I Just Loosing My Mind...

...Or are there two pink lines there?!


Click on it to make the picture larger, and look carefully!

Here is another picture...




And not to mention, the test looks a lot darker than in the pictures. I have to look at it for a good bit before I can see it in the pictures, but the test I can see it easier.

Aunt flow is due today and nothing yet. So I took a test this morning just to see. And that's what I got... I don't know what to think yet. I don't want to get my hopes up to where I think I could be pregnant and I'm not.

Let me know your input :D Thanks for reading!!