We have a busy weekend coming up at work. We have a Friday, Saturday, and Sunday wedding! Thankfully I don't have to work the Saturday one. And Alex and I both have off on Monday, so at least I will get to spend SOME time with him... Seriously?! Who would get married on Labor Day weekend? And who the heck would get married on a Sunday?!!! So irritated... I would much rather be able to go camping with my husband than have to deal with stupid bridezilla's who think it is ok to have their weddings on a holiday weekend. Uhg...
Friday night Alex and I just hung around the house together and watched movies and snuggled. Yesterday we did a few little things, bought Alex a new lawn mower, and then went over to a friend's house for a little engagement celebration thing :-) We stayed the night over there. Then today we got to visit with my Uncle Ben and Aunt Donna. They drove up from Milwaukee yesterday morning. We walked all over downtown and just talked and had fun! After that Alex and I went to Menards and FINALLY got the vanity that I have been wanting in the bathroom forever! I was super excited!!! We got home, put it together, and found out we are missing some pipes. Phahaha! So it is all set up and looks great, but still not usable yet. Bummer!
I am a little stressed about tomorrow. I have two high maintenance clients coming into the office :-/ Hoping it won't be too bad...
On the TTC side of things, it's...well, whatever I guess. I am still having hot flashes. Yay me! :-P Currently CD 24. Trying not to think about things. Although I am 99% sure that this cycle didn't work. I am just so frustrated, and tired of trying... :-( I wish it was easy for us just like it is for a ton of other people. Why do we have to wait so long and have so much trouble having a baby?
I am having hot flashes, which is weird and freaking me out. I am stressed, and I am irritated with stupid people BEYOND words. I almost got into two accidents today because of idiot drivers. Then I get to work and there was a complaint about a picture that was picked up yesterday (when it was picked up, they told me they loved it!). Freaking bridezilla... Then I work all day on doing mileage logs, which wasn't too bad, just time consuming. And to top it all off, someone I know is going to name her daughter and the initials are KKK. Ummm, yeah, think it over a little more hunny! Your kid is going to be picked on SOOOO bad in school. But, she is a... how do I say this nicely... caucasian motor home type... I am NOT grouping everyone who lives is trailers together, but she is PURE white trash. I am trying to be delicate about it, but there really is nothing else to say but that about her. :-/
Anyways, currently CD21 and the OPKs are getting a hint lighter this evening. We BDed the last three nights and are skipping tonight and resuming tomorrow. Hahaha! Need a little break tonight ;)
I decided to use an OPK last night just to see. I got a positive on it. I know last cycle I got a positive on CD17 and it was still positive on CD18. So does that actually mean I ovulated already, or I will in two days? One of my friends told me she got a positive OPK but ovulated two days later. I guess I am confused again... Haha..
I have been so into everything going on around me, I haven't even thought about what cycle day it is since last week! We have just been BDing when we feel like it, and I haven't been using OPKs. So I am hoping our more laid back approach will work for this round!
Oh, I am current;y on CD18. I literally had to look at the calendar and count the days. Hahahaha!!
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When Brad and Tricia got picked for adoption, I was SOOO excited for them! Now that he is here and that everything is finalized, they are having showers and parties and all of that. Well, being a photographer, Tricia asks me to take pictures for her. And I do willingly because I know that it means the world to her. But she also knows that Alex and I have been struggling to conceive for a long time. It hasn't been hard until tonight. There were other people around with young babies and lots of pregnant women.
I can't help but feel like those happy women/couples are never going to be us... At this point, I don't even feel like trying anymore because I know that it will fail time and time again. Why even bother, right..? I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean, with a storm going through and everything is rocky, and the only thing I have to hang on to is Alex. Lately I have been feeling like I am slipping off an edge, one that I don't know if I can recover from. As we lay in bed at night, I feel like I can't get close enough to him... I just want to melt into his arms and stay there indefinitely. Whenever I leave the house, I put on my fake smile and happy-go-lucky facade and face the world. No one ever thinks any different. No one knows how deep this cut is. No one understands except the people who have gone through this. It is a hell that I would never wish on anyone...
Fall is my favorite time of year :-) Beautiful leaves, pumpkins, cool weather, holidays, and lots of family time! The only sad part is that this wil be the first year without Grandpa... :-/
I am thinking if we get a free weekend in October that we are going to go up north to Lake Superior and go to an apple orchard and pick apples! Last year we went up there and got professional pictures taken with the beautiful fall leaves.
On the TTC side of things, today is CD11. I'm not sure if I want to do the ovulation tests this round or not. Maybe we might just do the deed every other day and see if that works. I don't know for sure....
Is it just me, or are people getting more and more stupid. Working in customer service (which was for almost two years), you meet tons of people everyday, and I have come to realize that the general public is well, retarded!! Most people need to learn to keep their mouth shut to avoid the stupidity. And other people should really go back to school.
I also think it is funny how people like to hide behind their computer screen and attack others for their opinions on chat boards. I gave my opinion, and it got under some people's skin; which I knew it would. But I honestly don't give a rat's ass what they think because it is my opinion, and if they don't like it, to bad!!!
Oh! And not to mention how horrible people seem to drive these days! Geesh... Makes me wonder what this country is going to be like in five or ten years.
I am seriously thinking about moving to Australia. Hahaha!!
Grandpa's funeral yesterday was VERY hard... There weren't too many people there, maybe about 15 to 20. I tried to stay out of dodge for the visitation because I didn't want to completely break down before the service. But once the service started, I was a mess. It is all kind of a blur after that. We ate a lunch thing at the church after the service and then went back to the house.. The family just sat around and talked for a while, but Alex and I had to leave at 5pm to get home because he had to work today and I have a wedding to shoot today and tomorrow. The drive home was hard, and then being home was hard; especially when I just wanted to be around family for as long as I could. I feel like crap and look like crap and I really just want to skip today and tomorrow and get on to Sunday...
My last post I talked about how we had a wedding in Green Bay. We walked a block down the road to the Packers' practice field and waited for them to get done practicing. Then we yelled for them to come over and the only person who came over was #52 Clay Matthews! Here is a picture that I got of our bride and groom with him.
It was a fun night, besides being in a ton of pain from all the cramps I had.
I finally picked up my prescription and will be starting it tomorrow for my next round. I am excited, but nervous. I just want this to work more than anything in the world... I wish I could get pregnant and STAY pregnant....
My grandpa's funeral is Thursday. I am going to be so emotional... I can already feel it. I have been in a daze since I found out. I am glad he is in a better place and didn't suffer, but I am so sad he is gone. It hasn't fully hit me yet... And it probably wont until that day or when we leave that night... And we have a wedding on Friday and Saturday. I am not looking forward to those at all. Wish I could get out of them (and that is NOT me. I LOVE weddings and shooting them, I am a photographer... But I think this week will be a bit much for me and I don't know if I should really be shooting a wedding right after my grandpa's funeral. Not my decision, but what do I know...). :-/
Well, I just talked with my OB again. Normally he doesn't like to go up in dosage amounts for Clomid, but I begged him to let me try the 100mg dose. He said he likes that I am ambitious. Haha... He also says that he is pretty confident that we will get pregnant soon and that we are doing the right things. He was bummed that I wasn't pregnant this round... You're not the only one Dr. Lee! :-( So I guess it is on to the next cycle... Just waiting for good ol' Aunt Flow to arrive....
I never thought that when we started TTC, that it would be this long before we have a baby. I know people think we are crazy, but this is what we want most in the world right now! I thought I would have a baby by now... I never thought I would not have a baby by 22. It really irks me that people I know who are younger than me, and not in very good relationships are having children, some have more than one! I don't want to be an old mom! And at this rate, I will be 40 when my son/daughter will graduate high school! :-( This majorly sucks.... I thought I would be lucky and get pregnant on the first cycle of Clomid, just like my mom did. I guess my body does hate me.
I called to talk to my OB today and see what he thought of my symptoms. He ended up calling in a blood test for me and I may have the results of it back tonight. If not tonight, then I will find out tomorrow.
I feel like I am in a fog... I am super tired all day and I can't seem to "wake up."
I am currently on CD31 and 14DPO. Here is a list of my current symptoms (TMI warning):
-A good amount of CM (not every day, but more than normal..)
-Very sensitive nipples
-Tired ALL DAY!
-Minor AF-like cramps every now and then
-Stuffy nose (and draining down my throat)
-I seem to be pretty emotional lately too...
Alex swears my boobs are bigger and he thinks I am definitely pregnant. But the tests are saying otherwise. I took one this morning and a BFN.... I am waiting to test again until Friday...