New Year, New Start

A lot has gone on since Christmas. I only had a tiny bit of spotting for 3 days. The whole amount wasn't even enough to fill one pad. So I finally talked with my doctor yesterday and I got a blood test done today. I should know by Monday if I am pregnant or not. I have had several BFN on HPT. But Alex and I talked again about the infertility program and Alex said we can do it!! So I will be speaking with someone tomorrow and getting the ball rolling for that. It's going to be a great start of the new year!!!

Thank you for reading!!!

Happy Holidays

I believe AF has arrived. I had a tiny bit of spotting last night. And had some spotting all day today. Now I am having a little bit more spotting :( I was going to test again tomorrow morning, but now that I have more bleeding, I don't really want to now. Oh well I suppose. Maybe we will have a New Years baby ;)

Thanks for reading!!

Hello My Name Is....

I wrote this for one of my TTC groups online and I wanted to share it here, since I have never really wrote out that great of a formal introduction into our lives (besides my very first post, but lots has happened since then). So here goes...

I'm Hannah. I'm 21 and married to Alex, the man of my dreams ♥ He is almost 23. We have been together 5 years, married for almost 3 years. We always talked about having kids and we wanted to wait a year after we got married. So we started trying in January 2009. When we started TTC, we never thought we would have problems. I first got pregnant in June 2009, but had emergency surgery for an ectopic. My left tube is now completely blocked. We started trying again right away (well, when the drs gave the ok) and didn't conceive again until July 2010. I figured once I got pregnant, and the baby was in the right place, I wouldn't have anymore problems. I was wrong. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We started TTC again right away. AF was due a few days ago, so I am 3 days late right now. I doubt I am pregnant this cycle... I am really starting to loose hope. Its been almost two years, and we have nothing to show for all that we have been through except a lot of medical bills, let downs, and heartache. I have been told I am strong and very positive, but I don't feel it most days :( Why us? I am so young! How is life fair?! That's what I think about most days... But I plaster a smile on my face, and put up a wall so no one can see how I really feel inside. A few weeks ago I was at the darkest point in my life. I didn't leave the house, I didn't do anything with anyone. I was seriously thinking about packing my bags and moving as far away as I could. But I realized running away from my problems isn't going to solve anything. And even though I am not fully myself again (I don't think I will be myself and happy-go-lucky until I have my little one in my arms, and he/she is healthy and safe), I am doing better with accepting my infertility.

So Close to Christmas

All I want for Christmas is a BFP!!!

I tested this morning and another BFN :( I am just hoping my period isn't 3 weeks late like the last cycle. CD 32 and no signs or symptoms of pregnancy or AF. So who knows!

Whole Lot of Nothing

Since I know that AF is supposed to arrive today, and I got my slight positive in July on the day I was supposed to get my period, I decided to take a test. And, to no one's surprise, it was negative. The other thing is, I have no symptoms that I usually get when my cycle is about to start. So I think my period is going to be late again this month. I just hope I don't get it on Christmas!! That would really suck.

Thank you everyone for the kind words of support :) And thank you for reading!

Four More Days

Only four more days until AF is supposed to arrive. I have a feeling she might actually come early this cycle though. I have been having some cramps yesterday and today. So until then, I am still waiting... Haha!

Wonderful, but Sad

This blog post is definitely how I feel most days. Couldn't have said it better myself!!

http://ababybumpjourney.blogspot.com/2010/10/separated-from-wolf-pack.html

And although I haven't lost all my friends (I still have a couple who I can't thank enough for sticking with me!!!), I can relate to people basically telling me to suck it up and get over it...

Waiting, Waiting

I can't stand the TTW! It seems like time slows down and it just takes forever to get here. Although I am excited to get to December 15th, I am pretty sure I am not pregnant. I think the little bit of spotting was a fluke. Plus we didn't stick to the plan I had, so we most likely missed ovulation. Oh well, maybe next month. I have been waiting this long, whats one more month...

Thanks for reading.

December Already!

I just can't believe that it is December already! Soon we will be in 2011. I am still hoping and praying for a 2011 baby. I know that we only have a couple of months left until that dream vanishes, but it may still be a possibility.

No new updates so far with me. I wont know anything for sure until December 15th or 17th. That's when my next cycle is due. Still trying not to get my hopes up too much with this cycle.

Thanks for reading!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, I am on CD8 and I had light pink spotting just now when I went potty. lol. The only time I have EVER had bleeding past my regular cycle days was on CD 15 in June and thats the month I got pregnant. But isn't it kind of early for ovulation...? I don't know what to think :/

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!

Exhausted Today

I found out one of my friends is 6-8 weeks pregnant. I am excited for her, but sad at the same time. I wish we were there... I can't wait to be a mother. I just hope we don't have to wait too much longer...

Finally!

AF has arrived!!!! Hip-hip-hooray! You seriously have no idea how happy I am. Hahaha. And her baggage (C-ramps) doesn't seem to have been brought along this time around :)

Thanks for all the support everyone!

Dear AF,

I guess you didn't get the memo about how tardiness is unexceptable (especially 3 WEEKS!). I have been waiting for you. Your late arrival without cause is really starting to anger me. Either show up on time, or don't show up for a reason! Now if you could kindly come to visit as soon as you get this, it would be greatly appreciated.
P.S. If you could come without all the baggage (C-Ramps was a real drag to have around last time), that would be super awesome!
P.P.S. You are a real bitch sometimes.

Thanks. (And no thanks.)

Not Surprised

Took my other test this morning and a BFN was staring me in the face 3 minutes later. I'm not suprised, but I am still kinda bummed. Oh well. Maybe next cycle.

Update for the Day

Still no AF. Took a test because I bought two and I couldn't wait until morning. Haha. It was negative though. I am going to take the other one in the morning I guess. Or I might just wait it out a few more days to see what happens.... Because if I am pregnant (ovulated when I should have on my last cycle), it would be showing up by now, no matter what time I take it. I figured out that if I ovulated when I was supposed to get my period instead, then my next period would be on the 21st. So if by some miracle I got pregnant when I was actually supposed to get my period, then it would still be early for testing.... I don't know. Maybe I will just take it and buy more if AF doesn't show again by Sunday and the test turns out to be a BFN.

First Day at Work

Work at Big Lots was super easy!! My first day consisted of using a computer program for 2 and 1/2 hours then "job shadowing" one of the associates for 1/2 hour. Hahaha. Now I am leaving soon to go to my internship from 2-5! Then I get to go shopping with my little sister :)

In other news, CD52. No AF. But I AM going to get a test tonight and taking it in the morning!!!! Crossing all my fingers and toes!!!! xoxo

Thanks for reading!!!

Its Currently a Mystery

So here I am, a day over three weeks late; CD51. I started having these EXTREMELY horrible cramps earlier this morning. And of course the only "normal" assumption would be that AF is coming! Well, two hours later, still no AF... :/ I have NEVER had this happen before... And I was going to go get a blood test done today, but not now with these cramps because I don't want to waste the money, only for AF to show in a few hours. My nipples hurt like hell! Nothing else around my ladies, just them! So I am confused, and its a bit of a mystery to me as to whats going on with my body. I hate being complicated! -_-

Veteran's Day

I made a separate post because something this important doesn't belong in the same post as my meaningless ramblings.

I’m proud to be an American where as least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.


Thank you to all the verterans and our soldiers who are still serving!!! ♥

No More Being Job-less

I love that feeling!!! I was so worried about everything. But now at least I only have to worry for a little bit longer until I start getting my pay checks! Orientation was great yesterday. Did a lot of paperwork and watched like 13 videos on safety, harassment, theft prevention, etc. You know the kind, all the "stupid humor" ones. Uhg, gag me!!! LOL.

On another note... Still no AF. I have decided that if I don't have it by Monday, that I am going to get blood work done. I just think that all the stress that I have had lately is goofing everything up. But we will see.

Thanks for reading!!

Good News :)

I got the job that I had interviewed for!!! I go for orientation Wednesday. I can't wait!!!

On CD41 and still no AF. I just wish I would get an answer one way or the other. Uhg... I hate waiting!!! lol

Thanks for reading!!!

Been Awhile

I am currently on CD39 with no Aunt Flow in sight. I had a lot of CM Sunday through yesterday. We baby danced last night; for good measure :) I figured that if I was ovulating, then we should be set; or if my period was coming, that it would help bring her sooner. But today, nothing... So who knows. I did take a pregnancy test on Monday, negative as always. I am hoping that my period hurries up and comes or that I get my positive test! Haha!

Nothing too new. I had a job interview last week, and a call back interview yesterday. I really hope I get that job!!!

Hello Again!

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while. There is really nothing too new here. Just trying to find my place in life. Its been a rough couple of weeks... Just coming down on myself hard about having a baby. I just can't seem to shake the feeling like I will never be a mom....

Spoke With the Doc

She said that she still wanted us to wait the six months. But if we really wanted we could start the Infertility Program at the Hospital. I talked with Alex and he said we should just wait it out. So back to square one of trying again and making time pass.

Thanks for all the support everyone!

Can't Wait for Monday!

I ended up calling my OB back again today since I had not heard from her. They said she had gotten my note, but she already left for the weekend and that they would leave another message for her. So hopefully she will be calling me Monday and we can talk about everything! I am in a lot better of a mood and I guess if she still wants Alex and I to wait, then we will have to wait. All in due time :)

Thanks for reading!!

Frustrated

I called my doctor yesterday and I was only able to talk with the nurse. She looked over my file and said that in there, I wasn't supposed to try Clomid until February. WTF?! I told her that I am tired of waiting. I asked if she knew what it feels like to try for almost two years with no results. She shut up real quick and said she would leave a note for my doctor for her to call me back as soon as she could. I never received a call. So I might be calling them back again today to try to get some answers and get somewhere! Its just so annoying to have to wait and try for so long when there are women who get to try Clomid after only a year of trying. Well its my turn, and I refuse to wait any longer!

Can't Sleep...

I have too much on my mind tonight... All baby related. I feel like I am sinking further and further into a dark hole that I wont be able to get back out of... Alex has noticed that I'm not "me." So I have started putting on a show and trying to be the happy-go-lucky person that everyone knows me as. I can't shake the feeling of despair every time I find out someone else I know is pregnant... I would have been 17 weeks tomorrow... It kills me inside, and angers me; every time I think about what I am missing out on. I feel like half a woman. I am supposed to be the wife that is a home-maker; cleans, cooks, takes care of her husband, and bares her husband's children. Its the Southern Belle blood in me. I can't fight my roots of wanting to be a mother; wanting to give my husband beautiful children... I just don't understand how it can come so easy to others, some of which don't even want it; and yet for the couples who would be amazing parents, it is always hard! My OBGYN wants me to wait until December to try Clomid. Its such bull shit! I am sick of waiting! I am going to call tomorrow and see if I can get on it as soon as possible... I can't handle this distress anymore.

Dang!

AF showed today! I'm kind of sad, but excited to try again!
We are also doing some bathroom remodeling! Alex has torn stuff apart and he is puttying some holes and we are also going to be putting a window in so it gives us some light in there! Otherwise its always so dark and dismal. After the putty dries we are going to sand it down so it looks nice and then once the window is in and everything is puttied on that wall, we are going to paint! Can't wait!!!!

Thanks for reading!

Hmmm...

Well, so far so good. No sign of AF yet. But I have a feeling that its only a matter of time!!!!!

Nothing new really going on. Took pictures yesterday of the flooding in town, which you can find a few of them on my 365 photo blog. Its crazy to think that its still supposed to rise even more. I can't wait to get down there and take some more pictures today!!!

Thanks for reading!

Another Year Older

I can't believe I am 21 today!!! Its so crazy! When Alex and I got married, I always thought I would have a baby by now, or at least be pregnant. I took a test this morning (just to see, even though AF isn't due until Saturday) and not to my surprise it was negative. Bummer! I was hoping for the best birthday present ever! Hahaha!! Oh well, I will just have to wait and see!

Thanks for reading :)

The Test

Alex has his ASVAB test for the Navy scheduled for October 4th! I am excited, but super worried about it at the same time! We went to visit one of his old school teachers and he helped with math, and after the quick lesson, I remember enough to be able to help him study at home too. But because of Alex's learning disability, it will be harder for him to do the test in the allotted amount of time. But I know he can do it!!!!

As for another kind of test; lovely Aunt Flow is due for her visit on Saturday. I am not getting my hopes up; I know I can't be pregnant this round. But I am thinking about testing next week or just waiting until October 1st to test. I have this cold thing now (tired, stuffy/runny nose, headache) so I have a feeling that it is going to make AF late.

Thanks for reading!

A Whole New Chapter!

We will soon be starting a new adventure in our lives that will change it forever! Alex has decided to enlist in the Navy. He wanted to join ever since high school, but didn't want to leave me behind. So when it came up again this weekend, I told him that I didn't want to be the person to hold him back. I want him to do what he wants to do in life to make him happy! As long as he is happy, I am happy :) I know its going to be hard at first, but life will get better once he gets through boot camp and actually gets stationed at a base so i can move with him. I am nervous and scared, but I am excited too!

The Two Week Wait

I am officially on the two week wait.. If I had a normal 28 day cycle, then I would have ovulated Friday, which I am 70% sure that I did because I had pain on my right side. But I'm not going to get too excited this month. I am making myself a promise now to NOT test until at least October 1st if aunt flow doesn't show by then. I hate the waiting game!!! Haha!

Amazing Weekend!

Had a lot of fun on Friday night! Saturday evening we drove up to Ashland and stayed the night up there with Luke and Elaina. We ended up going to the Walmart and bought a Nerf ball to toss back and forth. That was fun, until it hit my car! Hahaha! Then on Sunday morning we headed up to Bayfield and met up with Alex's parents since they were up there camping. We all went on a four mile hike to see the "sea" caves on Superior. That was pretty neat! After that we went back to Bayfield adn Luke and Elaina headed home and we grabbed lunch at a very nice local resturant. Alex's parents decided that they wanted to see the caves from the water. So we put the boat in and drove the shoreline to find where we hiked to. It was so amazing!!! Then we also drove the boat over to one of the Apostle Islands (Sand Island) and visited the lighthouse there. It was so beautiful!! After we got back to shore we went back to Bayfield and walked around and went in a few shops. We got home at about 11pm last night. I can't wait to head back up there in October.
Today was another great day! We slept in really late and have just been hanging out around the house basically all day and being lazy. I love our life!

P.S. I should be ovulating this weekend! I am crossing my fingers!!! :D

The Last Hoorah!

We are going out tonight to one of my favorite places to go and just hang out or spend time with people! And I am going to have my last "hoorah" drunken party before I give up drinking for a very long time (not that I drink hardly anyways. Hahaha! I think the last time I drank was three months ago in Canada, and that was one wine cooler)!!! After tonight I made a resolution to not drink anything, not even one sip of wine, until after I get the go ahead from the doctors after I have a baby! That could be a year; could be ten years! Who knows!!! But I am getting healthier and doing the right things so I can make sure my baby has the best start possible!!! I have only been drunk once before, and I ended up puking everywhere (but then again I did drink a half of a bottle of SoCo [Southern Comfort] in fifteen minutes. I could have died that night!). Anyways, I can't wait to give up this vice! I have changed so many habits in my life preparing for a baby, and I will be one step closer to a greater being in life and a healthier mommy-to-be-eventually! :D

Thanks for reading!

First Day of September

I can't believe it! This year is flying by so fast. I am excited for fall; the colors, the food, the cool and crisp air. I love everything about fall! Not to mention I have a job interview tomorrow. Life is so good right now!

I am currently on CD5. I am not bleeding any more! So now starts the new cycle of TTC! Wish me luck and showers of baby dust!

Thanks for reading!

Officially CD1

So AF showed up today. I am now starting over! A fresh new cycle! Hoping for the best this month. Trying a few different things and something new. But I am refusing to chart or use OPKs. And this cycle hasn't been bad so far. Just a few minor cramps when it first started and its been light flow.

Hoping lots of sticky baby dust will strike this month!!!!

The Weekend is Finally Here!

I am super happy that its Saturday! Last night was fun too though! We went to our local mall and they had a big semi show going on. There were tons of beautiful rigs and Alex was having the time of his life talking to the owners and swaping stories back and forth. It was a good night!

Today we are heading up the the Mall of America and spending all day there shopping!!! Going to be AMAZING! Haven't been up there in a while and now that we have some money to spend, it will be even more fun!!!

Too bad I am so excited that I woke up at 6:15am on a day where I wish I could have slept in! Hahaha!!!

Anyways... Thanks for reading!!!

P.S. Its been almost four weeks since I had the miscarriage and no sign of Aunt Flow showing. SO I am wondering if my cycles will be all messed up again... I am not looking forward to getting the first one after the D&C though. I have heard they are the worst cycle of your life after you have one!

Can't Wait For Saturday!

I am super excited because we are going with a couple friends up to the MOA (Mall of America)!!!! Its going to be so much fun!

So today was a little weird. I was at work passing out lunch to the kids when all of a sudden I felt very lightheaded and almost fell over. It was scary! Then the rest of the day I have had a headache. I don't know what to think...

Ahhh, How Refreshing!

The weather cooled off some last night and although its already getting warmer, we took a nice walk last night and this morning together :) We went to see the movie Salt and then after that we took a walk down by where they had a chalk festival. It was really cool to see some of the drawings before the rain washed them away.

Lately I have been feeling different. I think that I may have some sort of stomach bug or something. I am not going to look into it as anything to do with pregnancy or the D&C. I will just have to wait and see!

Thanks for reading!

Amazing!!!

I have the best husband in the world! He surpirsed me with this tonight!!!

I love him!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day Off

I am thoroughly enjoying my day off today! I am a little sad that I didn't get to go with the kids on their trip to Hayward, but that's ok. I have gotten a ton of things done around the house and its hot outside anyways! I also got to take some beautiful pictures today of random things.

Sorry, not too much to report. Been really quiet and slow around here lately.

Thanks for reading!

Another Wonderful Day!

Work was great! The kids were awesome and playing with them outside was refreshing instead of being stuck inside all the time.

My doctor appointment went great! She said that everything looks like it is back to normal and we can start trying right away. She said she normal tells people to wait at least one cycle, but she said since it took us so long to get pregnant, that it wont hurt us to start trying early, for our sakes. She also said that in six months if I am not pregnant, then we can talk about Clomid. Which I hope it doesn't take that long, but at least we have options when it gets to that point.

Thanks for reading!

Great Day

Had so such fun today at work! Got to go with the kiddo's to a local museum. Then had a VERY good lunch! Tomato soup, grilled cheese, strawberry yogurt, and fresh cut kiwis and strawberries :D YUMMM!!!

I am actually looking forward to my doctor appointment tomorrow. Hoping that all is well and that I get good news about everything.

Thanks for reading!

Who Really Actually Loves Mondays?

Yeah, me neither. I was excited for work today until I got put in the toddler room. I mean, it wasn't too bad, but I was just looking forward to spending time with the four year olds. Now I have a headache. But oh well. Hopefully tomorrow I will actually get to stay in my scheduled position and spend time with the four year olds!

Nothing really news wise with the baby making process. I have a doctor appointment Wednesday. Hopefully all goes well!!!

Day Trip to Duluth

We went with Alex's parents up to North Shore Drive for a little day trip today. It was a ton of fun! Especially since it was a lot cooler up there. Alex's mom is really into Agates and looking for them, so we went up there and stopped at a couple of places along Lake Superior and looked for Agates. We did find a lot of little ones, and a couple of bigger ones. It was a TON of fun!

I love my life :) And I am so happy everything is going back to normal!!!

Thanks for reading!

Fun!!!

Last night Alex and I... Couldn't wait any longer and ya know... Did the deed!!! I had stopped bleeding and we thought it was the right time! And the good news, I'm not bleeding today either!!!

Later we are going to a local fair to watch one of my friends (who is like my little sister) ride in a competition. Then I found out one of my other really good friends is going to be there today too! So might be meeting up with her. Then after the show, we will probably hang around the fair and ride some of the rides.

Thats all for now! Thanks for reading!!!

Yay for Fridays!!!

Well my dr appointment went good. My blood draw sucked. I had the girl that I normally have, but it hurt this time and left a good bruise! She must have had an off day. Hahaha!

Well this weekend is a busy one! Going to the fair that is in a close by town. Then Sunday I am taking Alex's cousins's senior pictures.

But I have to get going to work! Write more soon :) Thanks for reading!

Doctor Appointment

So, I'm not really sure all of what they are going to do... I know blood work, obviously. But I have no idea of anything else they want to be doing to me. Hahaha!!! Hopefully not too much. I have another appointment next Wednesday (including more blood work).

The good news is, I have almost stopped bleeding!!! YAY! So maybe by tomorrow it will be all gone and we will have the green light to continue out "marital relations." Sorry, just had to use that term one more time before I chalk it up in the "weird" category.

I was talking on Tuesday with this mom that has twins at the daycare and she was telling me how she had a miscarriage and a D&C done right before she got pregnant with the twins. She was also saying how people were telling her that she "got her other baby back" when she was pregnant with the twins :) I thought that was pretty cool. Then she went on to tell me that I was going to get twins! Holy crap! I don't know what I would do! But the only way that I would have twins is if the egg splits and they are identical... I mean I GUESS my right ovary could produce two eggs at the same time and it happen that way, but I have no idea on the odds of that unless you are taking fertility medicine.

Anyways, I am starting to ramble. Thank you for reading!

Stupid Technology! Hahaha!

So my laptop decided that the left clicker wanted to stop working and the mouse pad decided to not let me tap it twice to use as a clicker either. SOOO, it took me forever to get into the mouse settings, but I switched them around and made the right side the regular "clicker" and that way I can still use it until we have time to take it in.

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and then another one next week just to make sure that everything is going smoothly and I'm not going to get any infections.

One day closer to trying again!!! Super happy!!!!

Another Day, Another Dollar

Working the same shift as yesterday with the same group of kiddos :) I think today will be better since I am in a LOT better of a mood!

I also spoke with my doctors office! The nurse told me that by Friday we can continue our "marital relations." Bahahaha! What an awkward conversation that was! Oh well! At least we can start trying again soon!!! :)

Thanks for reading!

Nervous...

I don't know why I am, but I am... Today will be my first day back to work since everything happened. I guess I'm nervous because I don't want everyone saying sorry to me; that will just hurt me more. Its probably also because I don't want to face anyone... I don't want to cry anymore about this. Its happened, and nothing I do can change that. The scariest part of all of this is going to be trying again. Alex and I have talked, and we are really scared that this is going to happen again. I don't know if I can take another loss. Everyone keeps telling me how strong we are. Well, I don't feel very strong...

Ugh....

New Month, A New Start

So, August... I wonder what is in store for me this month.

What I do know is that I have a pact with one of my online friends Jessica. And we decided to do this 365 Photo Challenge. What it consists of is taking a picture every day for a year, something that means something to you that day, or something that describes you. Well we posted about it on Facebook and now its this HUGE thing that a lot of people are doing! I am super excited to see all the pictures and to start this myself. I have made another blog that you can find here. I hope you enjoy that blog just as much as you all read this one.

Anyways, not too much going on today. Not feeling a lot of pain, but I have been bleeding a little bit more than I did yesterday. Emotionally, I am feeling better as well.

Thanks for reading!

Last Day of July

Well.... Its been a long month, full of excitement, love, and let downs... I am still trying to pretend that I was never pregnant, just so it helps with the healing process and so I am not always thinking about how all this happened. I am hoping that August will be a better month and that I will have a lot of fun times and things to look forward to :)

Today we don't have anything special planned. Just sitting around the house and cuddling on the couch. I like days like today. They are so rare because we always have so much going on.

I guess that's all for today. Thanks for reading.

Eight Hour ER Visit

So I was doing good yesterday besides being a little upset. At about 7pm I started getting this really bad cramps. SO I ended up taking some pain pills and at 8:30pm we decided to go in because the pain was just getting worse. So we got to the ER and they were busy (again. WTH?!) but they gave me a room first before the other people because I was crying I was in so much pain. So they do some blood work and ask a bunch of questions then they started an IV. Well they gave me two shots of morphine and I was STILL feeling the pain. So they called the OBGYN that was on that night. She was delivering two babies and then she would be down to talk with me. Well they had another OB give me a pelvic exam to check if my cervix was open or not. It wasn't; which meant that everything that was trying to pass couldn't and that's what was causing me pain. The OB on call finally came down at 11pm and asked a lot of questions and gave me some options. She said I needed a D&C and either I could have it done last night or today. I figured since I was already there that it would just be easier to get it done and over with. I didn't get into the O.R. until about 12:15am and I woke up in the recovery room at about 2:15am. I was in pain and feeling sick. So they gave me some nausea meds and more pain killers. I fell back asleep until 3:10am. They offered to let me stay the night but I just wanted to get home. So we got a prescription filled at Walgreen's and by the time we finally got home it was close to 5am. Then poor Alex had to go to work at noon because his boss called and said they really needed him.

I am doing really good right now. Not hardly any pain (thank god!) and only a little sick to my stomach. But I am super tired so I think I am going to go lay back down.

Thanks for reading.

Down in the Slumps Again...

I was doing really well with how I was handling everything that has been going on. Then I don't know what came over me but I had a good hour cry session. So I decided that I would take a little nap to hopefully make me feel better. But I woke up and just felt worse.

Now I feel like nothing that I do is worth it now days... I just feel like no matter what I do its not good enough or its not worth anything to anyone.

Wow, That's All I Can Say!

This is a touching and amazing story! I just had to share!!!

http://rhemamarvanne.com/about.html

Such a stong little girl!!!!!

Thursday

For lack of a better title... Hahaha...

I would have been eight weeks today. I think what I was looking forward to the most was getting past this point and making it to nine weeks. But I am not going to let myself get depressed about it. I am staying positive and dealing with this whole situation the right way for me to stay happy and up-beat. Everyone keeps saying how strong I am... I honestly don't feel that strong. I am just doing what I know I have to do to feel better and keep on moving.

I had some really bad cramps last night. Actually kept me up half the night. Poor Alex stayed up with me even though I told him to go to sleep. I don't know where I would be without him <3 Have also been having some more cramps this morning that are not that lovely... Hoping they go away soon so I wont have to take anything.

Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading.

Dr. Appointment

So I had my doctor appointment this morning. I told myself when I left home that I was going to be a big girl and not shed any tears today!

I got to the lab at 9:30am for blood work to check my HCG levels. Got into the doctor's office at 10:25am. She was running late so they said she could be a few minutes. Finally got to first speak with her at 10:50am. I asked a lot of questions; some about when I will feel better and when the bleeding/cramping will stop. I also asked about a D&C, which I will not have to have one! She told me the cramping and bleeding should stop in about a week, when my HCG levels drop down below five again. She also said when my HCG levels drop again, it will trigger my body to ovulate to start my cycles over. So I will be ovulating in about two weeks and my next period should show up in about five weeks. The best news she gave me was that we can start to try again as soon as I am done bleeding! Yay!!! We can't wait to start trying again and hopefully it will happen easily since my body is already in the "pregnancy mode."

Thank you again for all the very kind words and encouragement! It means a lot to us!

Hardest Night of My Life

Here is everything that happened, in detail. If you are faint of heart, I wouldn't suggest reading it...

So I left for work yesterday feeling great. I was super excited for dinner! Got to work and I started feeling some cramping, nothing too bad. As work went on the cramping got worse and I became more worried. I left work at 5:15pm and went to the bank to cash my check. I felt funny so I went to the bathroom (approximately 5:35pm) when I wiped I noticed some blood so I decided to go straight to the hospital because I knew I had low progesterone levels and I would rather be safe than sorry. Well the hospital ER was busy and I had to wait an hour to get a room. That was the longest hour that I have ever experienced! Once I finally got a room, I waited for another 15 minutes until I finally talked with a doctor. He came in and informed me what they would be doing (testing, etc.). I had five viles of blood drawn and then a nurse came in to put an IV in. She tried putting it in and it hurt so bad I ended up in tears and she had to take it out and was going to try again but I had a panic attack and told her I didn't want it. She said ok and that I had the right to refuse it. Well it hurt for a hour after that :( But about a half hour after the nurse left with the IV, I got wheeled to the ultrasound room and had a regular ultrasound where I was able to see the screen. I knew I saw the baby on the screen, but I was still worried. She said she was going to do a vaginal ultrasound as well, and I told her that I needed to use the restroom first. So I went into the bathroom and sat down and as soon as I sat, about a fifty-cent piece sized clot came out. I knew right then that everything was not ok and I just burst into tears. I came out and she did the vaginal ultrasound, but because of the angle she had to have the machine because of the short cord, I couldn't see the screen but Alex could. He saw the baby and had a big smile on his face, but for me it wasn't reassuring, I knew better... I was wheeled back to my ER room and waited for another 30 minutes until a doctor finally came in with the results from  my blood work and ultrasound. He said that my HCG level was 2100, which at my stage in pregnancy, they were looking for about 35000, so it was very low. He also said that the specialist looking at the ultrasound said that there was fetal growth, but it just stopped at 5 weeks. He kept talking, but I zoned it out. I started crying and just went into my own little numb world. We finally got home from the hospital at around 9:30pm. At around 10:30pm, the baby passed. I had gone into the bathroom and as I sat down, I felt a gush and it happened to land in my pants. I looked and there was a perfectly round ball amniotic sac the size of a marble. I saw the little baby in there. That was the worst. I cried and cried and had to have Alex come into the bathroom to help clean up. After that I just went numb again. We didn't go to bed until midnight and I was up off and on all night. At 4:30am Alex called his boss and told him he wasn't coming in. We stayed in bed until 10:30am. I have had a lot of really bad cramps today and just plain feeling like poop.

I think loosing a baby last June has helped me some emotionally. Also, since I know that I didn't do anything wrong this time around (I feel that the tubal was my fault because there was something wrong with ME that caused the baby to get stuck), and knowing there wasn't anything I could do, has kind of helped me feel a little better and look forward, instead of get depressed and wishing for the yesterdays.

Thank you for all the support that you all have given me.

........

So..... I lost the baby......

mMmmm Pot Roast!

I can't wait for dinner tonight! I am making a pot roast! I have carrots, potatoes, onions, rosemary, salt and pepper, and mushrooms in it :) I hope it turns out ok, I was kind of wondering whether or not I should have put the mushrooms in. But it smells great so far!!!!

I will update later tonight to let you all know how it tastes!

This Just Stinks!

We made plans to go to Country Jam today to see Billy Currington! I was SOOOOO excited!!! We had wanted to go but couldn't get the tickets. Then my mom called and said she would give us her general admission tickets because she had won VIP! I was super jealous and I told her she should give us the VIP ones, but she wouldn't. lol. Then yesterday Alex's parents invite us to go with them to a truck show in Abbottsford (like 2 hours away). I was pissed when Alex said we would go! "I have had this planned for two months." Then why did I never hear anything about it?! And we have had Jam planned since last year when we found out Billy Currington was going to be there! (So the whole reason on why we LOVE Billy Currington is because our song ((that Alex picked out)) is by him. Its called Must Be Doin Somethin Right). Well there was no point in me going by myself to Jam because I would be missing the whole point (being with Alex)! So I filled my mom in that she should find someone else to give the tickets to... :(

So then I kind of got excited about going to the truck show. It could be fun, right? I could get some cool pictures of some pretty Semi's. Well that plan was shattered this morning when Alex's boss calls and tells him he was scheduled to come in at 7:30am. And Alex was pissed at his boss. Its not his bosses fault at all, its his own for not looking at his schedule. BUT I didn't tell him that because he was already in a pissy mood and I didn't want to make things worse. So I guess we will see where the day goes from here. It will be too late to go to the truck show by the time he gets home. And too late to go to Country Jam because my mom will already be inside and she probably gave the tickets away (even though Billy Currington wont be on the stage until 7pm). So this just plain stinks! I have nothing to do, all our plans are shot, and I am upset that I don't get pictures of EITHER things I wanted to today!

Grrr....

Dreary Friday

I am normally excited for Fridays! But today its dark and rainy and kind of depressing...

Went a little overboard last night at Kohl's! But at least i have a very good pair of maternity jeans and a couple of cute maternity shirts! :D And they are clothes I can wear now, and when I get huge, and after baby! Completely versatile!

In other news, Alex cleaned the basement last night! I came home from work (he had off because of the rain) and I go down there and it was like walking into a different basement!!! I was so surprised!!! So we went out to dinner to celebrate. Hahaha!

Well, that's all for now! Thanks for reading :)

Just Got Home

I have been with my grandma the past couple days. She had emergency surgery to remove eighteen inches of her small intestines last week. She was being moved to a different hospital closer to where her and grandpa live on Sunday night and she didn't take the move well. She started getting better Monday night and then by Tuesday morning they moved her to a regular room. By this morning she was beginning to be more herself. :) It was hard leaving her because some of those nurses don't do their jobs like they are supposed to.

Otherwise nothing new. Still sick, and I have been coughing lately too because of the drainage.

Sorry for being hiatus. Thanks for reading!

Dang It!

So I now have a stuffy/runny nose and sore throat. I'm not sure if its a cold of if its linked to pregnancy. Hahaha.

Ok, back story of why I was annoyed and haven't posted much. My sister-in-law texted me the other night saying she just found out she is pregnant too. I was extremely upset because they already have two kids and now its my turn to bless my family with a baby and I can't even do it on my own!!! She "wants to do this together." Well I don't! I wanted my own time to shine!

I know I am probably being selfish, but it was finally my turn after trying so long! And now I can't even have the glory of doing it by myself.

At least I am the only pregnant one on Alex's side of the family. And his parents couldn't be more excited! I can already tell they are going to spoil their grandchild!

Sorry for being a brat today. I just feel its my right to be upset for a while.

...

I am beyond annoyed.

That's all I even want to say right now.

Lots Going On!

It was a good day at work yesterday! Got to work in the baby room all day :) One of my coworkers put in their two week notice. Another has an interview soon, someone else is looking for a job and there is the one who is pregnant with triplets. And then me being pregnant! They are going to be loosing a ton of staff members pretty soon!!!

And you know what I am loosing? My mind!!! I normally can remember a twenty item grocery list, now I can barely remember two things!

I told my dad and step-mom the other day and they are super excited!!! My step-mom is going to throw a baby shower down in South Carolina (where they live) and then come and visit in April and bring everything up with them! That's so cool! And they will finally be able to see our house!!!

Well that's all for now! Thanks for reading!

Up for a Hour and Tired Already!

But I had to get ready early for my meeting with the State lady. Hopefully I can get this insurance!!! It would be so much less stress on me! But I have one more thing to get before me meeting! I have to run to the Dr.'s office to get "proof of pregnancy" which is just a note saying "yes she is pregnant." Hahaha... I should HOPE so!!!

I don't have to be in to work until noon. YAY! After yesterday... I don't even want to go back. EVER. Yes, it was THAT bad...

Dang... Boss just called and I have to be in at 11am... I know its only a hour early, but I REALLY don't want to go in....

Well, thanks for reading my work rant! Hahaha!

Today's Update

Well the first half of my day was great!!! We went to Irvine Park (a local zoo) and the kids had a blast! But after I went back from my lunch everything went down hill... Uhg!!! That's all I have to say! I have an appointment tomorrow morning to see if I can get better insurance through the state. Our insurance blows out the @ss!!! Anyways..... I guess that's all for today, I promise! Hahaha.

Thanks again for reading!

Work... Boo!

I really dont want to go to work today. I have to work in the worst room ever... :( But hopefully it wont be too bad...

I filled out an application for the Picture-Me studios that are in Walmarts. So hopefully I will hear back from them to see if I am able to get a job there.

Thanks for reading!

On Cloud Nine!

Ultrasound went great today!!! Our baby IS in my uterus!!! :D I have another ultrasound on August 2nd to actually be able to SEE baby, because all we saw this early on was the sac. lol. I can't wait!!! They also said by that time we will be able to get a better estimated due date. And I surprised her with the knowledge of my already guesstimated due date of March 10th, 2011. Hahaha. She said most people dont know that when they come in. I told her I had been counting for a while!!!

Well thank you for reading and I will keep you updated!

Can't Wait For Tomorrow!

The weather cleared up nice yesterday and we got to take some very cute pictures!

Eclipse was AWESOME!!! Can't wait for the next one to come out!

Our fire was pretty good. We didn't have very much built up to burn this time, so it only lasted until 11:30pm.

Nothing too much going on today. Tonight we are going over to visit a friend who lost her husband last November, and today would have been their two year wedding anniversary.  So it will be nice to just be able to be there and support her!

And of course I am saving the best, most exciting piece of information for last!!! TOMORROW!!!! You have no idea how excited I am!!! I can't wait to find out what is going on in my tummy and see that ultrasound! I had a dream last night that I was getting the ultrasound and they told me I was having twins!!! Wouldn't that be exciting?! My HCG count has had both Alex and I thinking that it could be a possibility since it did triple... I guess we will just have to wait and see until tomorrow!

Thanks for reading!!!

Darn Weather!

Its about to rain... Puts a damper on everything today!

And not to mention I am wishing the weekend by faster because I want Monday to be here already! I know, its sad to wish away days off, but for something this important, its worth it!

But oh well :) It will come soon enough. I guess I will post more later of tomorrow!

Thanks for reading!

Hmmm...

Well the interview went good. They will call if they want to hire me. I don't think I am going to take it...

Monday I have another round of blood work and progesterone test along with my ultrasound :D

Here's to a fun night with friends (that are basically family) and family tomorrow! Going to be taking some more senior pictures and then going to see Eclipse (FINALLY!!!) and then have a fire out at the farm :) Then Sunday night we are going to visit another one of our great friends! Going to be a great weekend!

TGIF!

I have an interview this morning for a photography job! I am so excited!!! But I will have to find another job from November to February because they have nothing to do in that period. That's the worst part about this job, the part that is holding me back the most, the part I am the most scared of... I would be making SOOO much more than I do now! But I will be asking lots of questions so I know what I am getting into before I would ever agree.

I can't wait until Monday!!!! Its going to be the best morning! Get to see our little apple seed :D

Surprising Alex's Parents

Here is Alex's parents after we told them tonight!

They are just as excited as my parents (Alex's dad doesn't smile much. lol!)!!! :D I can't wait until Monday to see our little apple seed!!!!

Thanks for reading and have a great night!

All Is Well!

My HCG count looks great! It went from 65 to 190! So it almost tripled!!! All it needed to do was double to be normal :) We are having Alex's parents down tonight to surprise them with their present! This will be their first grandchild!!!! :D I can't wait to see their faces and hear what they have to say!!!!

And today I finally got my new phone in the mail so there is no more buzzing or lost calls. Its just a great day all around!

Thanks for reading!

More Blood Work

I am going on my lunch today to get my blood drawn. And I will hopefully know the results tonight if my HCG is doubling like normal. I am praying and crossing all my fingers and toes that this is going to be a normal and healthy pregnancy!!! I can't wait for Monday :D I get to have an ultrasound and hopefully see our little one.

I will keep you all updated!

Please keep me in your prayers. Thank you for reading!

Surprising My Parents

Ok, so I know we said we were going to wait to tell our parents until after my blood work. But my mom and step-dad stopped by for a visit tonight and I couldn't help it!!!

They opened it up and were like "Are you expecting?!" I said yes and they were so excited! And then my mom asked me, "Do we get to keep this at our house?" Again I answered yes! For some reason I was nervous about telling them because I was afraid of what their reaction was going to be, but I shouldn't have worried at all!!!

Thanks for reading :)

Gotta Love Drs

So I have to go get blood drawn today and Wednesday to make sure that my HcG count is doubling like its supposed to. And then next Monday I have an ultrasound scheduled for 9:30am to make sure the baby is in my uterus like he/she is supposed to be!

When I first started working at my job, I was told that normally pregnancies go by twos there! Which I thought was kind of funny :) Well I just found out this morning that my coworker is due in six months with TRIPLETS!!! OMG! I was so surprised when I heard that!!!!

But I can't wait to make sure that everything is ok :) Only a week away!!!

Thanks for reading!

The Gifts!

I decided instead of ordering the onsies, I wanted to make them myself! So here is the first one that I made!!!

The "in" is a little crooked, but I think I did pretty good for not really being that crafty! Hahahaha!!! I have to go buy some more letters and I will be making the other one tomorrow :D

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the Forth!!!

OMG!

I just came up with the PERFECT way to tell our parents!!! I found this website where I can make customized onesies. Well I am going to get two that say "Made In Canada" (since that is where we most likely conceived!) and wrap them up and give one to my parents and one to Alex's parents! It will be so great!!!!!! :D

Thanks for reading!!!

Happy 4th!

I feel like I am on top of the world!!! I can't wait to be able to tell the family that we are expecting; can't wait until I can start feeling movement and when I start showing! Its such an exciting experience already (even through the symptoms that I already have)!!

Have a safe and happy Independence Day everyone!!!

No Doubt About It!!!

I am pregnant!!!!!!!

Tehehe!

So I kind of got a little ahead of myself and put up a counter :) So I still don't know for sure yet if I am, but I figured I would put it up anyways!!!

Wow :)

Who would have thought that four and a half years have gone by this fast! I look back and if you would have asked me then where I would be now, I would have never thought that I would be where we are. Married, three sweet and loving dogs, have a house, and possibly pregnant! Its a great feeling knowing that we have come this far! I can't wait for what the future holds for us!

No new updates right now really. My right breast still hurts if I push on it, and it doesn't take much pressure now. My left one is starting to hurt just a twinge if I push on it with a little more pressure. I can't wait to test again tomorrow!!!! :D

Now, if I AM pregnant, I am going to have to come up with some creative ways to tell my parents and in-laws!!! But I will have at least a month to figure it out. I want to wait until I am further along so in case I have a miscarriage, I don't have to go back and tell everyone what happened.

Thanks for reading!!

Am I Just Loosing My Mind...

...Or are there two pink lines there?!

Click on it to make the picture larger, and look carefully!

Here is another picture...

And not to mention, the test looks a lot darker than in the pictures. I have to look at it for a good bit before I can see it in the pictures, but the test I can see it easier.

Aunt flow is due today and nothing yet. So I took a test this morning just to see. And that's what I got... I don't know what to think yet. I don't want to get my hopes up to where I think I could be pregnant and I'm not.

Let me know your input :D Thanks for reading!!

Home Sweet Home!

Got back into the USA this morning at 8am. The boarder patrolman told us "Welcome home." I thought it was a pretty cool thing to hear :D

Canada was amazing! I have some great pictures and even greater memories!!!

No other news on the baby yet.... Still have to wait until at least Thursday to see if I get my monthly gift or not.

I am going to go rest now! Will write more later!

And Today Just Gets Better!

We are leaving for Canada today! We were worried that we just hadn't saved up enough, but we are not worried now! We got part of our federal tax returns back (FINALLY!!!!).

And not to mention I got some of the COOLEST pictures of lightning last night!

Things are just coming together this week <3

Thanks for reading :)

PS- This will be probably my last post until we come back from Canada in a week and a few days!

Trying Not To Get Too Excited!!! (TMI)

Ok, SOOOOOOO........ Today was a great day at work! Went in at 11am and didn't have any potty breaks until 5:10pm. WELLLLLLL.... There, on my panties, was about a quarter sized spot of blood! I am on CD (cycle day) 15. So I am thinking that it could be implantation bleeding!!!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up because I don't want it to just be some fluke in my period... But I can't help but think "what if?"

I guess I will have to wait two weeks to see!!!! :D Crossing all my fingers!!!

Thanks for reading!

Thunderstorms Tuesday [[Three Days]]

SO I heard from the girl in Texas with the little one on the way. She has decided not to choose us as the couple for her son. I'm a little disappointed, but there is still Sue from NY! I have been talking with her a lot and its great to just be able to chat and have nice conversations.

We have some storms coming through with a few tornado watches! But it looks like everything is going to miss us; maybe just a few thunder claps and some rain.

Got 95% of everything packed for Canada!!! Can't wait! :D

Thanks for reading!!! Have a great night!

Only [[FOUR]] Days!

And I only have half days of work this week!! I can't WAIT!!!! We just finished packing all of our clothes for up there and only have a few more things to pack and we are ready to go!

Have been visiting a friend in the hospital a lot the past couple of days. She was in a car accident and is lucky to be alive (said the person who was first on the scene). She has a broken ankle, broken vertebrae in her neck, and a small spot bleeding in her brain (which has stopped, but because of that they want to monitor her closely and she is still in critical care). She has had one surgery on her ankle and will be having another one soon. I am just happy she is going to be ok!!!

Here is the article:

**WARNING!!!! The pictures are disturbing!**

http://www.leadertelegram.com/news/daily_updates/article_2d4f2dc6-77b9-11df-adf9-001cc4c002e0.html

Hard Day

A year ago today is when I had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy... Its hard to believe that its already been that long ago.

Not to mention I had a really bad migraine last night and normally I can sleep them off, but I woke up this morning and its still here. Plus I now have a sick to my stomach feeling along with the migraine...

Oh, and its storming out. So today is just not a good day at all.

Thursday [[8 Days]]

So I heard back from the girl in Texas (who is due in August) and she said she would rather work through an agency. Which is fine! So I told her that and that I hope she still considers us. Still don't know who the woman from New York is going to pick. But that's ok, its a big decision and I hope she takes her time to make the right choice!

On to the eight days thing! We will be heading to Canada on the 18th!!! I can't wait!!! I hope that next week goes by really fast!

Ugh... I have the worst headache right now!!!

I'm Back!

Sorry for the leave of absence! I have been super busy with work and other things!

Alex and I have been talking a lot about adoption lately. We have decided to do a private adoption on our own and not work with an agency. Through an agency, the costs would be $15k-$30k and we just can't afford that! Doing a private adoption on our own is about $3k-$7,500 which is a LOT more do-able! The most exciting part is that think I have found two possible candidates! One who is due in August (in Texas), and one who is due in November (in New York). Neither girls have picked a family yet that they believe is best, but I am keeping my fingers crossed!

If both of these fall through, we are probably going to work with CSSW to do a "foster to adopt" program. If we foster first, them they become available for adoption, the adoption is free. But I am so afraid of becoming attached to the children that we would be fostering, it would break my heart to see them go back! That's why we want to go straight to adoption...

We will see I guess. Everything normally has its own way of working things out.

Thanks for reading and have a great day :)

Blue Angels!!!!

I am SO stoked that I will be going to watch them today!!! I hope the rain holds out!!!

But I have to go and get ready, so I will post another update tonight!

Today's Update (since I promised one)

So I after I posted last, is was about a hour before I let the kids get up so we could go out and watch the Blue Angels. By the time we got through bathroom, snack, and sunscreen and got outside, no more flying!!! AH! They were all upset. But another hour later, the Angels were back and flying right over the center!!! It was so much fun and the children loved it! A few were scared by the loudness, but we showed them how to cover their ears and that the planes weren't going to hurt them and they were fine!

Oh, and guess what I got about that time?! My damn monthly gift!!! UGH!!! I am so frustrated and depressed!!!!!! I kept myself from getting my hopes up about being pregnant until yesterday and as soon as I start thinking that its a possibility, I get AF! And this whole two week late shit is pissing me off!!! If I am going to get it, just freaking come on time so I don't go insane!!!!

But I went to the bridal shower and had some fun. I feel bad that I didn't stay longer, but I just didn't feel the greatest and didn't want to be a drag on the party...

:D

Ok, so my first time EVER posting a blog at work. Feels really weird to be on the computer here... Anywhoo!

The Blue Angels are practicing and its nap time right now. Well, the kids are too excited to sleep!!! But we have promised them that if they lay nice for AT LEAST 30 minutes, then we are going to get up and go watch them fly. I think I am almost as excited as they are!!! Hahahaha. Sad, but oh so true! I just wish I would have brought my camera so I could take some pictures while we are out there. I would wait until tomorrow, but its supposed to rain, so I am afraid that I wont be able to get pictures...

Tonight I am supposed to go to a bridal shower. I am not feeling the greatest... I have a bad headache and my stomach is upset... Not to mention, its at my mother-in-law's house and she asked if I could come early to help her with a few things. Ugh... I will feel bad if I don't go, but I will be suffering through it...

Well, I will write an update later tonight.

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Still no aunt flow...

Super Excited!

I can't wait until the weekend! The Blue Angels are in town for the air show and they flew over today while we were outside with the kiddos. And of course their excitement transfered over to us teachers, which wound them up even more!

I even helped cook tonight! Granted, it was only hamburger helper, but hey I still helped! Tehehehe :D At least I didn't burn anything!!!

On another note, still no flow. It sucks! I hate being in limbo. I can't wait until next week! I am going in for a blood test so I know for sure!!!

Thanks for reading :)

Refreshed and Renewed!

After a nice three day weekend, I am ready to get back to work! Had a great day yesterday!!!!! We went over to the family BBQ and stayed there for a few hours. Then we went tubing down the river and that took about a hour and a half. After that we went horseback riding! We were there until 10PM!!! It was a lot of fun riding with Alex, since he has never been on a horse before! He even got to watch me fall off! Bahaha!!!! The saddle wants quite tight enough, and over the side I went! Oh well, it was funny :)

This picture is right after my fall, so my shirt and helmet are crooked! Hahaha!!!

Thanks for reading!!!

Memorial Day

I would like to start by saying thank you to all the soliders that have served our country, some of whom have lost their lives. Thank you for fighting for our freedom!!!!!

Plans for the day: nothing this morning, family BBQ this afternoon, and then horseback riding this evening with friends!!! Its going to be an awesome day! I'm probably going to get burnt to a crisp like last year, but oh well, it will still be fun!!!

Still no AF... The girls were really sore last night; still are but not as bad. I dont know what to think besides trying not to get my hopes up by "knowing" that AF will be coming soon.

Well, thanks for reading and have a great day!!

Did I? Hahaha!

So I went to bed at about 10PM last night. Alex didn't get home until 3AM and I figured he would sleep in until 11AM because that would be a full night sleep for him. Well I ended up sleeping that long too!!! Thirteen hours of sleep!!! Ahhh, it feels amazing to finally catch up on some sleep. I know at some point that will all come to an end when we have a little one, but thats ok because i will be worth it!

Speaking of little ones, I had a bad headache last night and the ladies were sore (and still are this morning), plus I had a bit of cramping early this morning (at like 6AM) so I am thinking miss aunt flow will be visiting very soon! And even though I said I was going to wait to take a test, I took one yesterday morning and it was negative... If I dont have my period by June 7th, and I have not gotten a positive test, I am going to the doctor because something is wrong. But the goos news is, I dont have anymore tests in the house, so now I can MAKE myself not take any until June 6th! Tehehe :)

Thanks for reading!

So...Tired...

We helped my parents move today to a new house about thirty minutes away. At least it wasn't as hot as it has been, otherwise I think we would have all died of heat stroke! It wasn't too bad though. Dead tired now, so I will be going to bed soon! Alex wont be home until about 2AM because he is at a bachelor party. GAY! And they want me to go to the bachelorette party. No thanks, I would rather spend time with my hubby than go out and watch your dumb bitch friends get plastered, grind on some ugly ass sleaze bags, and puke all over. I'm just not into the party thing anymore, and neither is Alex. Yes, every once in a while we go to the Tavern (that one of his cousin's owns) and have a drink. But most of the time, we just go to get out of the house and talk with friends.  And I HATE bar-hopping bachelor/bachelorette parties. I will only go for people I really care about, and sorry, she is not one high up on that list... Ok, end of my rant...

Heading to bed now... Good night, and thank you for reading.

Yay, it's Friday!

So happy that Friday is here (even though its going to be a long day)!! Helping my parents move this weekend. That should be kinda fun... But at least its a long weekend with Memorial Day. So no work on Monday!!! And I have found out that I am going to be in the four year old room for most the summer (I believe, since I am in there all next week). So that is something to look forward too!!!

Still no monthly gift. I scared my brother last night! Bahaha!!! I made a poll just to see what people thought of the names that Alex and I have come up with and he was like, "Are you really due January 25th?!" I told him no of course, because I have had all negative tests. But if I am indeed pregnant, that WOULD be my actual due date. We shall see!!!

Ahhh, its going to be a great day!!!

Oh geez! Haha!

Another great day!!! Except the bout of nausea and bad stomach ache this afternoon. Probably coming down with another stomach bug from the kiddos! Anywhoo! Had an early day; was done at three thirty, so two hours earlier than normal. And then Alex calls me and says to be ready when he gets home. SO I have my shoes on and I am out the door when he pulls in the drive. We hop into my car and are off!! He tells me he found a moped for seven hundred dollars that he would really like to show me. I go along with it, thinking I will just talk him out of it after he looks at it. Well we get there and look at it, and Alex sells the whole "it will save gas" idea (which I know it will anyways) then the guy offers him a beer and me a soda. Ok, so an extra fifteen minutes... Well we talked and bullshitted with this guy; a very nice old man! We ended up being there for TWO HOURS!!!! Holy cow!!! And he talked me into letting him get the moped :P Hahaha... And he set up a plan with Woody, the very nice old man, and I guess we will be getting a moped soon! Hahaha!!! Goofy boy! Him and his toys, but that's why I love him!

Here is the picture of him playing around with it:

P.S. Still no sign of aunt flow...

I've Seen Better Days

Although I have to admit today was a great day!!!! The weather was a lot better and I worked with the four year olds today. It was a lot of fun! We took a big piece of paper (about 6' long and 4' wide) and taped it to the fence outside. Then we took spray bottles, set on a mist, and put water and food coloring in it for them to spray the paper with. They had an absolute blast!!!

Next week when we all come back after Memorial Day, they are going to be switching the kids up to the next group. So all my normal group of three and a half year olds (almost all four now) are going to be moving up the the 4K room, all the three year olds (now three and a half) are moving up to my normal room. So I am curious to see where they are going to have me at in the center because there are not as many three and a half year olds as there were with my now four year old group. I have been with this group since September, and I would love it if I was able to move up with them for the summer. Also, as soon as school gets out, there will be school aged children (all under 12) added to the mix. We are pushing ratio with the number of teachers we have now, so I think they may hire someone else. Especially since one of the teachers is going to be quiting soon. I guess I have to wait and see! Tomorrow the schedule will be up for next week, so I will know soon enough.

Thanks for reading!

This is Going to be the Death of Me!

Well, I have not yet gone to the doctor for my UTI. I called to see what our insurance will cover, and they don't pay for anything until we reach our $4k deductible! What the frig?! So I would have to pay $300 to get this UTI taken care of! GRRR!!! I fucking HATE insurance companies!!!! ESPECIALLY Anthem!!! We had GREAT insurance last year that we only had a $2500 deductible each. And we didn't have to pay all out of pocket. They covered portions of each thing that we had to file for, and then after we met the deductible, they paid for everything. But Alex's work went cheap this year and got the GAYEST INSURANCE EVER!!!

Not to mention, I STILL haven't gotten my monthly gift. Its really rather annoying!

A Little Disappointed

So I finally heard back from that girl last night. And she said that she was not looking to put her baby up for adoption. I am a little sad, but I knew starting out with that there was only a very slim chance she would go for it. Oh well I guess...

On another note, the weather is sickeningly humid and its going to be a HOT one today! I can stand the heat, but I don't like the humidity too!

I also found some Amoxicillin that I have had for a while that I am calling to see if it would be ok to take to treat the UTI if I think I might be pregnant. Well crap! I was on the line talking with her and she was getting my number and my stupid POS phone disconnected her! GAH! Now I have to hold again... Great, now she tells me that I should really just go get seen at Urgent Care. I guess I will be going after work then!

Thanks for reading!

Tired, Cranky, and Sick; Oh My!!!

Title explains it all today! I finally caught that stomach bug that Alex has had for a week. Not to mention that I have been REALLY tired all day today. And to top it all off, I am pretty sure that I have a UTI :( I haven't had one in almost two years! So its an extremely sad day for me.

As for yesterday's post; we still haven't heard back from her. We got her phone number from a relative, and Alex called and left her a message, but she has yet to call or even text us back. I'm guessing she is just going to ignore us.

On to later last night! We had a little fire in our fire pit and a few friends over. I was messing around with my camera and was able to get a few really cool pictures! I got an awesome close-up of the moon and then I was changing the shutter speed and ISO settings and got a cool picture of traffic going by the front of the house!

From left to right: our friend Thomas, Alex's cousin Luke, my darling Alex, and my "little sister" Elaina (I love her expression! bahahaha!!!) And yes, we use wheelchairs and office chairs as seats for our fires here at home and out at the farm!!! :D

Pretty moon!

Cars driving by! I set the shutter speed as slow as it would go and it was open for about a minute for this picture.

Hope you enjoy your day. And thank you for reading!!!

GAH!!!

So, I dont know if anyone remembers that I posted about finding out that this girl is pregnant that drinks and parties and what not. But Alex and I talked last night, and we are going to see if she would want to put the baby up for adoption! I sent her a message on facebook this morning to see if she would meet up with us sometime today, but she hasn't messaged me back... :( We weren't really friends in high school, so I guess I dont blame her for thinking that it was really weird of me to message her and want to meet up somewhere. I dont think she will go for it... But I know that we could provide a better life for her child than she could, especially with her wanting to go out and party. We talked for over a hour last night about all of this and we agree that it would be a really great thing to do if she would agree to it too.

Wish us luck and cross your fingers!!!!

Thankful for Rain

I know most people hate rain, and I normally don't like it either, but today I am happy that there was a little! My plants need it, the farmer's crops need it, and it was a nice way to cool down the town after having it be so hot the past couple days!!!

On another note, still no aunt flow.... I hate the weird dull annoying cramp things again for a little bit this morning... But just as I noticed them, I switched around how I was laying and they went away. I got a LOT of thinking done last night in bed. Some of it was really getting my hopes up about being pregnant. But I should have had a positive test by now if I was pregnant, right? Grr.... But I look at it this way, I didn't know I was pregnant last June until I took a test, and by that time I was seven weeks along. So who knows if it would have shown up sooner or not. And I didn't have any symptoms either. Again, it was an ectopic, so I don't really know what to look for in an actual pregnancy; plus things differ so much woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy.

I wish I could just have a clear way of knowing without having to go get a blood test done!

I am Thinking Too Hard!

I wonder if thinking could ever kill a person... Because I am thinking about the baby thing too much!!! I woke up this morning with weird dull, achy cramp like things, but no aunt flow yet... So I am positive she will arrive today sometime! Hope its before I go to work at least so I don't get a surprise while I am there! Hahaha... And poor Alex. He has been sick for a couple days with some type of stomach bug! And he had to be in at 5AM today! But he took a cool picture of his cement truck and sent it to me. I think its a really cool picture!

The Big Bad Bitch (as Alex lovingly calls her):

HOT HOT HOT!

Today is a beautiful day, but it is really hot! I like 70's but I think 80's is a bit much for May! Looking forward to riding my bike tonight. We are going to go probably after dark so its not as hot. I turned on the A/C for the first time since we have owned this house and its awesome! Only planning on running it some during the late afternoon, early evening. We can open the windows at night to cool it down in here. :)

I love being a home-owner! Its the little things, like painting, and fixing what needs to be fixed that makes life worth-while.
That's how I feel about being a mother. Yes I am excited to be pregnant and have a baby, but that's not the only thing. I can't wait to have all the symptoms (yes, that's right, ALL the symptoms), I can't wait for the sleepless nights, and all the other bad things that come along with parenthood. But its always the good things that make every little bad part blow away in a breeze. For the women out there that think their child is a burden, then why did you become a mother anyways?! And I am not saying to get an abortion, I am saying give you child up for adoption to someone who WANTS all the good AND bad days! I would give up everything to just be able to feel morning sickness, to have the aches and pains of being pregnant; because I know its all worth it in the end!!! I can't wait for every single stage in our child's life. Learning to crawl, walking, terrible two's, learning to talk and their ABC's, writing, being sassy, first day of school.... EVERYTHING!!!!
And that's why I think we have been made to wait... So we APPRECIATE every little thing of our miracle; our child <3

Sweetness!!!

I got a new bike! Super excited about it!!!!!!

There is the picture. The picture is not the greatest, but oh well! I'm still excited about having anew bike and getting to ride it soon!!!!

Hope- What Keeps me Going

Well, no sign of my monthly gift yet. But I took a test this morning and it was negative, so I am trying not to get my hopes up! But its so dang hard!!!

I have to get to work, but I will write again soon!

Thanks for reading :)

Beautiful Day!

Well, I'm glad that its Friday! And the weather is wonderful!!! Also looking forward to tomorrow. Mom and I are going to a huge community thrift sale and I am hoping we find some good deals!

Thanks for reading!

Really Sad!

Alex has decided that having three dogs is too many. So we have to find a new home for our little Chihuahua, Chester. I am SO sad!!! And I don't want him to go to just any home, I want him to be able to have a nice home where I know he will be loved and taken good care of!

:(

I don't want to send him away!!!

Wednesday Again

I know its a little late... My best friend sent this to me for Mothers Day. She was the only one that said Happy Mothers Day to me. So I wanted to pass it on to all the other ladies who have also lost their babies:

A Mother's Day Wish From Heaven
Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear. A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card. A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, I saw every card you could imagine. Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside. I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know. That though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too, Memories are our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight. She writes poems to honour me, sometimes far into the night.
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells. She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honoured, and remembered too Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best I have done all I can do; to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.


I cried so hard when I read the message she sent me along with this poem. It made me so happy to know that someone cared and remembered me too :)

Amazing Day :)

I had the best day at work EVER! I got to work in the infant room today; ALL day! I've worked in there before, but only a hour or two at a time. I really wish I could get full time in there!!!

Although I had a great day, it was ruined a little while ago when I found out someone I graduated with is pregnant. Another one of the people who I thought I would definitely have a baby before them! Grrr..... Its just so damn frustrating!!!! I can't get over the fact that all the worst people I know are able to get pregnant so easy and its SOOO hard for us!

Its gotten to the point that I am literally depressed. I probably need to see someone about it, but I don't want to. Shrinks don't help. I just feel like I should maybe start drinking a shit ton and smoking all the time and doing drugs, maybe that will help me get pregnant since it obviously works for other people! HMPH!!!!!

Really?! *sigh*

SOOO not looking forward to Wednesday! I have to work with my least favorite person in the world. Grrr... Just shoot me now.

Oh and not to mention, I found out that two more people I know are pregnant. One I am ok with, but the other I am just plain pissed! So my week has not had a great start. Oh well, there is always tomorrow!

Thanks for reading!

Happy Mother's Day

This is a wonderful holiday to celebrate.

But for me, its a little bitter-sweet... I should be a mother by now... I would have been a mother by now... I will never forget my little baby that I lost at 8 weeks. This day is for you sweet baby. Mommy and daddy love you and although we never got to meet you, we will be together again someday!

Insert Catchy Title Here

I got nothin' today! But I did get really cool pictures last night of the snow!

Here are a few of them :)

Otherwise nothing much else is going on. Helping my parents pack some of their things. We are helping them move Memorial Day weekend.

Its Too Cold for May!

I can't believe the weather lately! Its 46F right now and its supposed to get colder! Its so sad! I have been looking forward to nice weather and being able to take pictures for my photography portfolio, but with this weather its a drag going out and trying to get good pictures. Ah well, soon enough!!!

We have my mother-in-law's birthday party tonight. Can't wait for that! I'm not feeling the greatest, but I think we will still have a fun time!

That's all for now and thanks for reading!

Almost the Weekend

TGIF!
No, SHIT!
Huh?
Sorry Honey Its Thursday. Hahahaha!!!

Yeah, I am loosing my mind, lol. Its been that kind of week. Just happy that tomorrow is Friday!!!

Hump Day

I know "hump day" means the middle of the week, you are almost over the hump, etc, but come on, you can't tell me that you don't think dirty every time someone says it!

Ok, ok... Hahaha. I had my fun for the morning :)

Had a two hour work meeting on Monday, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be! Just going over new licensing and rules and regulations for work. I thought it was going o be two hours of her bitching at us for how poorly of a job we are doing with something... *sigh* No matter how hard we work, we always get bitched at for one thing or another. Also got my course book last week and started it Monday. Its going ok,but I have to write so many paragraphs, you'd think I was writing a book! Plus I have to interview people and a whole ton of other stuff! When did taking care of children become so complicated! Our parents and grandparents survived with time-outs and spanking; hell, I was spanked! I just can't believe that spanking and time-outs are basically considered abuse now days. And the government wonders why the society is going to hell, its because of spoiled brats that run all over their parents and get away with it; and its all the GOVERNMENT'S fault!!!

Anywhoo..... I took another test yesterday, still negative...

Thanks for reading! Have a great hump day ;)

"Lazy" Sunday

Today wasn't a lazy day at all! Quite the opposite actually :) We got up early to go our garage sale-ing to look for a push-mower for the yard. Well a friend of ours called and needed help starting her car, so we went to help her and got it going. On the way back to look for sales, we decided to stop into Menard's (like Lowes and Home Depot) to get a few seeds for the garden. Well we went in to spend $5 and came out and ended up spending $180!!! But we now have a beautiful yard to show for it!!! We didn't end up going saling afterwards, but it was all worth it. We bought some plants for the house out front and some solar lights for the front walk. It looks so much different and more... homey!

This is before we did any work:

This is after we did the work: :)